Top 10 Can’t Miss Movies of the Summer: #8 and #7

8. Nacho Libre (June 16)
Q: What do you get when you mix the writers of Napoleon Dynamite and School of Rock?
A: A Jack Black wrestling movie or to be exact, a Jack Black luche libre movie.

Being a closeted wrestling fan and a fan of the Jack attack this movie sounds like a can’t miss. I love the culture around Mexican grappling that truly separates it from its U.S> counterpart. The preview makes a point to show comedy we’d expect from Jack plus a few moments of Napoleanesque oddness. I’d rate it a little higher but this seems to good to be true and the words sophomore slump have been tossed around.



7. Miami Vice (July 28)
Michael Mann has come full circle. After leaving television in the 80’s, he’s become one of the great directors of the last decade with films like Heat, The Insider, and Collateral. So the question is, why return to a project you created for TV that while awesome in its time, is now hopelessly outdated? I think only Mann can answer that but I’m very willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Clearly he’s not attempting to spoof or trivialize the original. In fact it appears he’s simply making a movie about a vice squad in Miami whose name happen to be Tubbs and Crockett. Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx should make a good team and I’m sure they tore up Miami while they were shooting. I know there’s a lot of skepticism but Mann’s proved us wrong before. Remember, when Collateral was being talked about before it’s release, there was a lot of doubt that Mann could get Cruise to play a villain let alone actually make an effort on screen. He proved people wrong then and I’m banking he’ll do it again this July.

Top 10 Can’t Miss Movies of the Summer: #10 and #9 (aka Race Car Day)

10. Cars (June 9)
What can be said about Pixar that hasn’t already been said? They’ve returned animation to the forefront of American cinema and done so by breaking new ground through visuals and storytelling. Pixar always makes quality films and while I wasn’t crazy about Finding Nemo, The Incredibles is one of my favorite films. This summer’s Pixar flick looks more Nemo then Incredibles as we follow a race car’s journey to self discovery. The previews haven’t shared much but it’s still worthy of a look this summer especially if you know a little one you can bring along.


9. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (August 4)
Every summer we’ve come to expect a Will Ferrell comedy that may not be a great movie but at the very least adds three or four classic lines/scenes to our cultural lexicon. Last year we got Bewitched which did neither but we did get a small dose of Will in Wedding Crashers that almost satisfied our needs. This summer is a return to form, as Ferrell works with his Anchorman co-writer/director Adam McKay to take on the story of a NASCAR driver. The trailer looks funny. The cast looks stellar with John C. Reilly making a support turn. Judd Apatow is producing and one assumes also did a little rewrite on the script. All these factors point to a fun sexy time on the speedway.

Top 10 Can’t Miss Movies of the Summer: Runner Ups

Here’s a brief look at 5 films that just missed my top ten movies of the upcoming summer:
 
A Scanner Darkly (July 7)- Richard Linklater has achieved the rare skill of being able to do a indie art film one year and a Hollywood pic the next.  Few directors can do this successfully and except for the critically bashed Newton Boys, Linkater’s done great.  After the surprisingly good Bad News Bears, he’s back on the art scene with an animated film in the same style as Waking Life.  I enjoyed the look in Waking Life and while the combination of scenes lent itself to that style the end result was slightly disappointing.  Here Linklater has a great starting point in Philip K Dick’s novel so the results look promising.
 
Idlewild (August 25)- This Outkast vehicle has been on the slow burn for two years but with a release date on the board happy days are here again.  What little we know about the plot certainly sets the stage for a Harlem Nights type of let down, yet with new music from Big Boi and André’ 3000 from start to finish can it be all bad?
 
The Science of Sleep (August 4)- Michael Gondry’s follow up to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (Chapelle’s Block Party doesn’t count) promises to be another visual stunner. Too bad there is no Charlie Kauffman script to back it up.

Lady in the Water (July 21)- I wouldn’t count myself as an M. Night Shyamalan fan. I think the guy could use a good editor to focus his films and make them tighter. That being said, the guy has a ton of talent. All of his films have had great moments here and there. This time he’s making a “fairy tale” that he was inspired to write thanks to his daughters. It sounds like a Splash remake but I’ll still be curious to see the results.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (July 7)- I liked the first film a ton and director Gore Verinski does shine as a filmmaker from time to time. The whole cast is back which means more Johnny Depp mugging scenes from Orlando Bloom. Best case scenario: A fun popcorn movie that brings more of the same from the original. Worst case scenario: An uninspired redux of the first film where everyone is just showing up for their paycheck

Top 10 Can’t Miss Movies of the Summer: Intro

Spring is in full swing and we’re just one week away from kicking off the summer movie season when Mission Impossible: 3 hits theaters. Now I’m a cynic at heart and the idea of summer blockbusters usually make me a little sick. After years of summer crap like Twister, Men In Black, Independence Day, Armageddon and so on, one can hardly be blamed for being a little gun shy come May.  We got a glimpse of hope last summer when films like Batman Begins, Wedding Crashers, The 40 Year Old Virgin and Star Wars proved to have quality behind them that backed up all the hype.  This summer holds some promise as well so I thought I’d share my top 10 list of the movies I can’t wait to see this summer.  Odds are some of them will suck and some of them may not make much money but just like the start of football season we, as movie fans, can all have hope that the best of the best will rise to the top this summer.

Double Weekend Blog Shot: What I’m…and The Point Game

What I’m…

…Renting: A History of Violence. I’m so sorry I didn’t get a chance to see this prior to all my best of lists for 2005. Easily a top ten film from last year. The first 30 minutes struck me as formulaic but in a good way. The set up of the family life of the main characters is what really makes this film work the rest of the way. My one gripe is that at Oscar time all the hype was around William Hurt who snagged a Best Supporting Actor nomination while Viggo Mortenson and Ed Harris were overlooked for two equal if not greater performances.

…Renting But Regretting That I Did Not Buy: Justice League: Season 1. Growing up I was always a Marvel Comics fan and except for the occasional Batman book I steered clear of DC. In my older age I’ve begun to enjoy the DC characters and one reason is the amazing work of Bruce Timm. His Batman and Superman Animated series from the late 90’s breathed fresh life into characters that had come off of horrible movies and were burdened by overly complicated storylines in their respective comics. Timm expanded that formula with Justice League and also expanded the roster. The first season DVDs feature Bats, Sups, Wonder Woman, Hawkgirl, Flash, Green Lantern, and the Martian Manhunter. Timm’s show once again gives us a classic interpretation of the characters and makes the show very accessible for neophytes by painting in some broad strokes and fan boys by revisiting some classic storylines.

…Listening To: NoFX-Wolves In Wolves Clothing
Top 5 Tracks and Lyrics Off The New NoFX CD
1. The Man I Killed- “I heard a thousand people screaming while three billion others cheered.”
2. Leaving Jesusland- “The average weight is well over 200 pounds. I hate to generalize but have you seen the thighs.”
3. USA-holes- “We see the iceberg from 15 miles away. The captain orders the ship to stay the course.”
4. We March to the Beat of an Indifferent Drum- “The wall was built to keep them out while keeping us in goose step parades.”
5. 60% (Reprise)- “I supposed that’s how we’ll go out, played out and way after our time.”




The Point Game
+2: iTunes Free Downloads- While the free downloads consist of a hodge podge of types of music and has varying degrees of quality I still got to give Apple props for providing these. Every so often you find a free download that gets you going and it doesn’t hurt to always give them a listen because after all they’re free.
***Speaking of which check out this week’s download by Damone. Its got this crazy speed metal guitar track and it rocks hard!****

+0: Blowout- I can’t make up my mind about this. On one hand I’m clearly getting dumber for watching even 5 minutes of this show. On the other hand it’s funny as hell watching Jonathon compare himself to Batman and explain that going from his assistant to a stylist is the equivalent of Tiger Woods turning pro. The best part of all this is that he actually believes all his hype.

+1: Gilmore Girls- On Tuesday’s episode Lorelei used the Battlestar Galactica slang term “fracking”. Always nice to see one quality show acknowledge another.

-500: The WB and Amy Sherman Palladino- I’m not sure who’s at fault here but there’s plenty of points to spread around. On Thursday, the WB announced that when The Gilmore Girls becomes part of the new CW network next fall, series creator Amy Sherman Palladino won’t be coming with. The Gilmores without ASP is like West Wing without Sorkin or Buffy without Whedon. Now there have been many fine writers that have worked on the show and it might still be worth watching but I’m worried that we’ll not see the series go out the way it was originally intended to. ASP has made it very clear in the past that she has a clear picture of how the show ends. Let’s hope she and the management patch things up by next spring when the show will most likely wrap up its last season.

Going, going, gone…The West Wing

Continuing our look at shows ending their run I thought today would be a good day to look at The West Wing. Like Alias, The West Wing is a show that had an amazing first few seasons but then took a downward turn. Unlike Alias the lack of quality during The West Wings final seasons can be traced to one key reason; the departure of series creator and head writer Aaron Sorkin.

Sorkin created the show while his previous creation Sports Night was attaining high critical praise but was slumming in the ratings. Sorkin took his Sports Night premise of following the behind the scene relationships and politics of a late night sports show and translated it to the White House. The results were a match made in heaven. Within a few episodes the show was a hit with critics and with audiences. I was a little slower to fall for the show not becoming a regular watcher until season 2. Thanks to Bravo and DVDs I caught up quickly.

I believe that creating a mythology for a show is one of the most important elements to creating a quality long lasting show and The West Wing did this in spades. When you hear mythology you think of shows like X-Files or Lost but the truth is any show can accomplish this simply by creating a history to the show that is referenced and grown throughout its life. From Leo’s alcoholism to Vice President Hoyings continued bitterness about losing to Jed in the first election, the writer’s constantly brought these issues to the forefront and continued to develop them. Some of the great Sorkin episodes would flashback to the original campaign and the character’s lives before the show. Who would have guessed CJ was a publicity agent in Hollywood before Toby brought her on board?

At the end of season 4 Sorkin was on his way out. Why he left is still somewhat in debate? Producer John Wells certainly likes to claim his shows as his own and Sorkin clearly snagged the spotlight. Also Sorkin was well known for his love of nose candy and his performance certainly seemed to be in question. It was announced that Sorkin would be leaving at the end of the year.

At the time I thought the show should end right there but then Sorkin wrote one of my favorite hours of television that guaranteed I’d come back the next year with or without him. The season finale featured the kidnapping of first daughter Zoe Bartlett. The beauty of this was that the exact way her kidnapping occurs is described by the President in season 1 when a naïve freshman Zoe is complaining about the Secret Service cramping her style. Martin Sheen’s performance in that season 1 episodes was one of my favorite early Wing moments and to see his words come true broke my heart and brought me to tears. With no VP on board Bartlett hands the keys to the White House to the Republican speaker and removes himself due to the kidnapping. The symbolism was not lost on the audience who no doubt saw the ultra liberal Sorkin handing his keys over to a group of writers.

Season 5 came and went and the show truly suffered. Characters lost their center without Sorkin. Will Bailey became a sniveling traitor. Toby became a full time asshole as opposed to a part time one. The plots became boring and for the most part the snappy banter lost its humor. In general the show became a lot darker and meaner. When season 6 came about I had pretty much given up on the show. However the influx of new candidates Alan Alda and Jimmy Smits gave the show some life. CJ’s ascension to Chief of Staff provided some good new stories and for the most part people started acting like themselves. It wasn’t quite must see TV but it was certainly DVR worthy.

Now season 7 is winding down and so is the show. The tragic loss of John Spencer along with the election of a new President have made this season must see again. There has been some controversy with some agruing that Smits was pegged as the original winner but then Alda was chosen after the show was cancelled and then Smits was picked again after the loss of Spencer. Depending on which writer's blog you're reading this is either true or utter b.s., either way I'm glad Smits won and the next few weeks should be a fitting tribute to the show as the Bartlett administration packs up and we see old faces and new make the transition to the Santos administration.

Going, going, gone…The Beginning of the End for Alias

Tonight marks the return of Alias to our screens after a lengthy hiatus. Tonight also begins the countdown to the final episode of the series. The J.J. Abraham’s scripted show has been an inconsistent performer over its five season run but I’ve stuck through most of it. When the show was on, it was one of the best on TV, mixing the drama and politics of family with the drama and politics of the espionage world. In its lesser moments, the show would erase or redo past plot points in an attempt to make the show more accessible but would end up muddying the mythology of the show to the point of extreme confusion and frustration for the fans.

Like his current show Lost, Alias contained Abrams’ dry wit and humor shine along with his knack for leaving the audience grasping at straws. Alias has had some great cliffhanger moments including Sydney waking up in China finding out that years had passed and she was presumed dead or last year’s season ending car crash that literally made me fall off my couch. These great moments also led to problems with the show. We never received a satisfactory answer to what Sloan’s first Rambaldi machine told him (I believe the explanation the show gave is that it was a single word meaning love). In fact, the entire Rambaldi plan has never been flushed out.

Like his previous show Felicity, Alias featured Abrams’ ability to find great actors to speak his words. Jennifer Garner may not have a long career in front of her but her portrayal of Sydney, especially in the first two seasons, was Emmy worthy. I think it was a case of the actress and role finding a perfect match. The supporting cast has remained strong throughout the show. Kevin Weisman as Marshall has always been good for a laugh but has also shown some dramatic chops in the last few years when he’s been forced to keep APO from his wife and child. Carl Lumby as Dixon shined in the first two seasons and while he has not has as many opportunities in recent years he’s still a welcome sight. However, just as the complex storytelling sometimes bit Alias in the butt, so did their loyalty to cast members. Ron Rifkin’s portrayal of Arvin Sloan became an instant fan favorite. Here was villain we could grow to love. Unfortunately, when the time came to send evil Sloan up the river for good, the show decided to attempt to redeem the character. What we were left with was a watered down Sloan and an uncharacteristic turn by Sydney who was again working for the man that killed her fiancée.

Besides the attempts to rework the show and the mythology and the mistake in keeping Rifkin there is one last piece to this cancellation puzzle and that lies with Michfer Varner. This super name refers to the short lived real life super couple comprised of series stars Jennifer Garner and Michael Vartan. Coming off a failed marriage to Felicity’s Scott Foley, Garner and Vartan soon took the on screen relationship off screen. The show seemed to hum along just fine and their already considerable on air chemistry only seemed to increase. Like most on set romances this one fizzled and the lack of chemistry during last season was almost painful. When Vartan’s character of Vaughn was killed off early this year one had to ask if this was due to plot demands or maybe star demands. While I don’t think this resulted in the cancellation, it certainly didn’t help.

Where Alias ends up in the pantheon of great shows might depend on how it goes out over the next few weeks. When the show went on hiatus we were left with the revelation that Sydney’s mom is yet again behind her latest run of bad luck, including kidnapping a very pregnant Sydney. There have been hints that Vaughn may not be as dead as we thought. Abrams’ has hinted we might get some kind of clarification on the whole Rambaldi issue. Plus with so many characters that have come and gone over the years, here’s hoping we get some Sark, some Will and maybe even some evil Francie as the show winds down.

Energy Drinks: America’s Favorite Mixers

We as a nation, are in danger of being overrun by energy drinks. It seems that every two weeks a find a new drink in that weird part of the convenience store cooler that used to belong to Snapple and chocolate milk. It really hit me in the last week when I was introduced to Coke Blak. That’s right yet another product that tells our children that it’s cool to spell things without all the letters. Coke Blak is a mix of cola and coffee and that’s exactly how it tastes. Some of us have already experienced something similar by enjoying a diet coke with our coffee at breakfast. I wonder who the food scientists are that come up with the taste of these drinks. Most of them taste horrible. Sure I can stomach a straight Red Bull but that's because the can is so small it only takes two drinks. Some of these others like Full Throttle taste bad and come in large servings. There is one newbie to the crowd that tastes pretty alright and that's MDX. I think it stands for Mountain Dew Extreme and if you can get by the awful name you get a drink that pretty much tastes like Mountain Dew which for some people is a favorable taste.

Anyhoo, back to the Coke Blak, if you don’t like coffee mixed with cola stay clear of this and perhaps try a coke. If you don't like coke perhaps try a coffee. In the end, it seems to me this is yet another energy drink that will find its main outlet in the form of a drink mixer. I’m this close to trying it mixed with bourbon, or maybe some vodka and cream for a new age white Russian that will give me energy and take me to the extreme!!!!!

The Point Game: Easter Edition

-1: ABC- I’m not a religious person whatsoever but I was very pleased that one of my favorite Easter traditions continued on Saturday night when ABC aired Cecil B. DeMille’s The Ten Commandments. Sadly, my disappointment in ABC outweighs my pleasure due to the fact that they aired a remake earlier this week. As an agnostic I’ve enjoyed the original since my childhood not as a great Biblical lesson but as an epic motion picture with some great character’s brought to life by great actors. If I had my way we’d never have to suffer remakes but that’s not the world we live in, however there are still some films that cannot and should not be touched.
(By the way has anyone ever noticed how much the God character in The Ten Commandments resembles the MCP in Tron. Just realized that last night when I was watching it.)

+2: Peeps- Speaking of Easter time, I picked up Peeps for the first time in years yesterday and was very happy with my purchase. I grew up in a household of jelly beans and Cadbury eggs and missed out on Peeps until I hit college. Ever since its been and on again off again affair but the simple blend of marshmallow and colored sugar sure does the trick.

+3: Madonna: Live- When I came across this title on my BBC America channel I was expecting a performance based show, yet instead it was one of the most in depth interviews I’ve seen with Madonna in years. I’m not a huge fan of her music although there are a handful of songs I really enjoy, but music aside Madonna is undeniably a fascinating figure. In this day of celebrity it’s nice to see substance behind the pretty face. BBC America reruns things all the time so check your listings.

-2: Hot Cross Buns- I’ve never understood the appeal of this food. Bland dough with overly sugary frosting and some kind of dried fruit inside? Yuck! I’ll stick with other traditional Easter treats like Hamwinkies.

What I’m…

...Renting
Bubble- I think that amidst all the hype for the way this movie was released the quality of it was overlooked. Released simultaneously theatrically, on cable and on DVD, Bubble is a top notch character study of lower class midwestern America. Steven Soderberg validates his rep as one of the best directors working today and again shows how easily he can slip between large films like Ocean’s 12 and small films like Bubble. The cast are all local non actors and you get a sense that you’re slipping into their lives. As a result it’s a film where people talk like real people unlike say Junebug where everyone talks in a stilted scripted stereotyped manner. I highly recommend this and the DVD extras are actually quite worthwhile too.

...Watching
My Sweet Sixteen- Do you ever feel like you need to throw up but you can’t? Some would suggest you stick your finger down your throat. Others might recommend you drink a raw egg with some tabasco. I recommend watching My Sweet Sixteen on MTV. Watching these spoiled ignorant children and their weak willed parents is more disgusting then an episode of Fear Factor. I suppose that’s why we watch TV in general, to feel strong feelings one way or the other. Plus, one can always take solace that all these rich kids will pay the price when the revolution comes.

...Reading
Rule By Secrecy by James Marrs- I’m not a very trusting person when it comes to government, history, politics and such. While I wouldn’t label myself a conspiracy theorist I’d certainly say I keep an open mind and like to get all the possibilities. I’ve read a lot of “conspiracy” books in the past but this one presents some of the clearest facts and theories I’ve ever read. In fact, Marrs takes a lot of the facts I’ve read before and separates them from theory. It’s well written and moves along at a quick pace avoiding getting bogged down in lengthy diatribes.

...Listening To
Top 5 on My iPod
1. My Doorbell- White Stripes (I don’t know about where you live but this song was played during the pre show entertainment at my local movie theater for the last year and it got so ingrained in my skull that I finally broke down and bought it.)
2. I Dare You- Shinedown (I’ll admit I first heard this song during Wrestlemania this year but if you get past that it’s kind of a nice throw back to early 90’s rock without any cheese.)
3. Boyfriend- Ashlee Simpson (I blame my friend whose iTunes I raided last week for this one.)
4. Flagpole Sitta- Harvey Danger (A positive recent acquisition. Underrated band that broke through with this hit from the late 90’s/early 2000’s.)
5. Disconnected- Face to Face (Punk band I’ve never paid much attention to but this song has a great chorus and like most of the shit I listen to lately is damn catchy.)

Entertainment Weekly and My Litmus Test

This week’s Entertainment Weekly features its annual Pop Culture Quiz; over 100 questions ranging from the mundane to the insane. Every year I look forward to the quiz and every year I’m disappointed. Now that I’m writing a blog on pop culture I figured I better score well.

So Monday night, I took a few minutes before the start of 24 and delved into the quiz. As an annual quiz taker and as one who takes the results to heart I have a few rules I try to follow:
• Set aside 15-30 minutes to take the quiz. I know that’s asking a lot from the short attention span generation but its far better to take the quiz in one sitting.
• Read the instructions…carefully. I know it’s an EW quiz but seriously they don’t make these things easy. There are multiple part questions and bonus questions all over the place that you might miss if you don’t read the whole thing.
• Don’t study. To get true results you must be of clear mind and soul. A true pop culture fanatic can spit random useless facts at will.
• Cut yourself off from things that might give you clues. Turn off your TV. Stay away from your computer. Take the test away from your DVD collection.
• Mark questions you’re not sure of and go back.
• Be a tough grader. For example, just because a recent comic you read referred to Bizarro’s home world as Earth-0, doesn’t mean that you should get credit for an unlisted answer.
• Don’t add up your score until you’re completely done. You wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise, would you?

I was only up to question 20 when I began to feel a pit in my stomach. The Superman section in the beginning proved a little harder then I thought and the first few questions told me this would not be a walk in the park. By the time I hit the halfway point I had left many questions blank which I never remember doing in the past. Although, I don’t believe there’s even been an EW quiz with so many open ended questions.

By the time I got to the bonus questions I figured I was gasping for 70 points, which while respectable certainly doesn’t qualify me as a fanatic. I went back over the questions and figured out a couple more answers that had been plaguing me. For example, how in the world could I forget the name of Ron Weasley’s pet rat? After racking my brain I filled in some more blanks but still had over 10 no answers on the paper.

I started the grading and all of a sudden things were looking up. The multiple part questions sure were helping and the two bonus sections on superheroes weren’t going do anything but help this geek. By the time I’m done, I’m left with a respectable 85 which improves on the 74 I got last year. According to EW this makes me the pop culture equivalent of the guy from Numb3rs. Now I just wish I had his hair.

April’s Joe Mauer vs. January’s Bill Cowher

Is April the best sports month of the year?

Short answer: Yes.
Long answer: Maybe
Appropriate Blog Length Answer: Depends on who’s asking?

April has had the reputation of being the greatest month in sports for as long as I can remember. Growing up I never thought twice about it. Even the casual sports fan pointed to April as the king of the sports months. Just look at what April offers: the Final Four, the Masters, the start of baseball season, the end of the regular season for pro hockey and basketball, the NFL draft, and for some of us Wrestlemania. I’m not so sure that April can take its dominance for granted anymore especially in the eyes of the casual fan.

The Masters and Final Four are still sporting events that reach out to casual sports fans but the decline in popularity of the NHL and NBA may have adversely affected April’s rep. The NBA has had declining television ratings in general and the end of the season is no different. In fact, the April 2nd NBA double header lost in the ratings to a NASCAR rain delay. Ouch! We all know the NHL has never had strong ratings but the prelude to the Stanley Cup playoffs usually received a lot more attention from the mainstream media and thus the casual fan. However, with hockey coming off of its work stoppage even the hardcore hockey fan has had trouble getting up for this season.

The NFL draft may be the only thing that’s growing in importance. The casual fan used to know when the draft was and who the top 2 or 3 picks might be. Now thanks to Mel Kiper’s hair and the marketing machines behind ESPN and the NFL the sports fan gets a constant diet of draft information from March right up to the draft. The fact that most casual fans recognize the name of Jay Cutler, a QB who had limited TV exposure during his college career at Vanderbilt, is a sure sign of this.

Baseball is more of a tricky wicket. The importance and interest in Opening Day is a divisive issue even amongst casual sports fans. Long gone are the days of baseball as America’s pastime. Still, for many people over the age of 25, Opening Day means something especially if you live in a MLB town. For others, it’s the start of 7 long months of boredom before the World Series finally wraps.

I guess in the end there is no absolute conclusion we can reach here. April still provides the best variety of any month of the year and features the end or beginning of multiple championships but with the dominance of the NFL and emergence of NASCAR as the number two sport, January seems to pulling ahead. I find myself in the January camp mostly thanks to the NFL playoffs. January also features the end of the college football bowl season, the start of conference play in college basketball, the NBA and NHL in full stride, and the Daytona 500, which as a casual fan is one of maybe 3 NASCAR races I’ll actually plan on watching during the year. Sure there’s no baseball or golf, but these sports have the summer months all to themselves. Besides January also has the Royal Rumble which is usually better then Wrestlemania.

Marathons Are For Suckers...And I'm A Sucker

I never understood why a block of episodes of the same TV show were called marathons until I watched my father run an actual marathon. As I sat on that curb checking my watch I noticed that I was staring at the same thing over and over again but with slight variations. Every so often you’d get someone in costume or someone sprinting or if you were really lucky some kind of collision. Watching a TV show marathon is pretty much the same in that you watch the episodes go by and hope that something special or unique happens. The problem comes when after watching 3 straight episodes with nothing worthwhile, you’re likely to watch 3 more believing that you’re due for some fireworks. I speak from the heart on this topic because late Saturday night/early Sunday morning I succumbed to a TV marathon.

A little background is needed before I confess my depravity. First of all, effective marathon programming is reason #384 that MTV is the devil. Most of the shows that MTV has conned me into watching have been the result of catching a Saturday afternoon marathon. I believe the MTV executives know that if they program 8 hours of Laguna Beach on a Saturday, a viewer may change the channel when they flip by the first two times but around the third or fourth stop, the viewer will stay and watch and watch and watch. Second of all, I’m getting over a flu/cold/allergy sickness that is really messing up my flow. Now with all these excuses out of the way let’s get on with the tale.

I spent most of Saturday night over at my friends’ place. The majority of the night was spent discussing the finer points of the film Tombstone (which I will now call Captain Ron and His Huckleberry Whores). The film finished and as the clock struck 12, I prepared to take my leave. My exit would not be so easy, for as I gathered myself together an episode of MTV’s Date My Mom came on the screen.

What’s Date My Mom? For shame, you must actually have a life if you need to ask that. Date My Mom is a dating game show where a prospective suitor goes out on dates with 3 moms and based on that must choose which of their children they’d like to date. Almost 98% of the time it’s a straight guy looking for a daughter but occasionally the show feature a gay or lesbian suitor as well. The mothers and suitor seem to be fed their lines during the show on giant cue cards and they have all the subtlety of the pop up messages on Blind Date. The end of the show has the suitor making all sorts of faces as they see who they picked and who they didn’t.

Not one to pass up as opportunity to mock one of the most poorly scripted and performed “game” shows on TV, I settled back into my chair. As I watched it I thought it might be the worst episode I’ve ever seen of this show. Not only did this episode feature the most stiff dialogue delivery this side of Al Gore but it also featured a rather disgusting mother who talked multiple times about the possibility of a 3-way with the guy, her daughter and herself. Note to crazy mom’s everywhere: mentioning a 3-way once is gross, mentioning it multiple times is grounds for a child services visit. The show came to an end and once again I prepared to make my exit. My friend Steve noted that there were multiple episodes coming up…a marathon if you will. He also wondered out loud if his “best worst episode ever” would be a part of this marathon. According to lore, this “best worst episode ever” is a lesbian show featuring one of the craziest moms of all time. Steve checked his DVR to see if it was upcoming, but sadly the information on the upcoming episodes was bare bones to say the least.

I arrived home with Steve’s words of “best worst episode ever” ringing in my head. Still recovering from my sickness I had to go to bed yet the evil TV addict inside of me swung by and programmed my DVR on my way to the bedroom. Around 3am I awoke from my slumber in the midst of a coughing fit. I grabbed a bottled water, some cough drops and my blankey and took a seat on the couch. This seemed like as a good a time as any to flip through some episodes and catch up on the marathon. As is the case with most marathons, the episodes declined in quality from one to the other and sadly, Steve’s episode did not appear. Two hours later I’m full of 5 episodes of Date My Mom and loads of self loathing for having watched them.

The Point Game

-3: EA Sports. This comes from the what goes around comes around category. Last year EA Sports, the world's top sports video game maker announced an exclusive partnership with the NFL which made their Madden title the only game in town. Now comes the revenge factor, Major League Baseball has signed an exclusive contract with 2K sports which has blocked EA from the baseball world. EA's solution is to make a college baseball game. I'm sure the kids will line up for that.

-4: Tyra Banks for cheapening the legitimate threat that clowns pose. On a show this week she helped a guest overcome their fear of clowns. Some fears are healthy. You should be scared of nuclear war and you should be scared of clowns. Tyra should stick to having doctor's feel her up and dressing in fat suits.

+2: Eminem for divorcing his wife Kim for the 13th time. He's currently on hiatus from the music biz and obviously this marriage was a great way for him to rediscover his inner misogynist. He truly must be the most prolific writer in rap if it only took him a couple of months of marriage to get enough material for a new album.

-5: CBS News for picking Katie Couric for their nightly newscast. I don't watch a lot of nighttime news but I certainly don't want a perky Katie telling me about the body count in Iraq. On the plus side maybe they'll send her south for next years hurricane season and she'll blow away.

+4: NBC News for picking Meredith Viera for the Today show. I don't care what this does for the Today show but I am very excited about the effect this will have on The View. This is the first nail in the coffin for that show. My guess is that we're only a few scant weeks away from a Joy/Star sloberknocker.

The Return of….What I’m?

After a two week sabbatical due to travel, sickness, and a shocking lack of electronic consumption, it’s time to catch up with what I’m…

…Buying
Wonder Showzen Season 1- For a guy who calls himself an MTV devotee I’m a little late to the ball on this one, although in my defense it was on MTV2. Wonder Showzen takes kids shows and skins them, turns their intestines into rigatoni and washes it all down with a bottle of gasoline. To say this show is not remotely intended for children is like saying there are a few stars in the sky. This is a show for those of you who remember how good educational programming used to be and how fucking horrible it’s become today. Until Elmo bites it, make mine Wonder Showzen.

…Reading
silentbobspeaks.com- I don’t want to make a habit of pimping Kevin Smith since he already does a fine job of that himself, but he’s currently got a six part (and counting) blog series on the drug addiction of his hetero life mate Jason Mewes (aka Jay). It’s Smith at his finest, laugh out loud funny one minute and agonizingly painful the next.

…Pushing
Snakes on a Plane- I thought everyone and their mother was in the know and down with SoaP, but to my amazement I’ve talked to a number of friends in the last couple of weeks who had not heard of the most anticipated summer blockbuster. My apologies to everyone reading this that’s already hip, but here’s a quick rundown on the plot: Samuel L Jackson is transporting a witness in a government case and the people that don’t want him to testify unleash…wait for it…SNAKES ON A PLANE! The studio’s been so impressed by the current internet buzz that they just went back and did some reshoots to ensure an R rating and to hopefully capture Sam telling the snake to get off his MF’ing plane. See you on opening day!

…Listening To (The Raiding My Friends iTunes Collection Edition)
Top 5 On My iPod
1. Warning- Green Day (Somehow I missed this album back when it debuted but I always loved this song mostly due to its great video.)
2. Disarm- Smashing Pumpkins (Here’s a song I didn’t care for at the time but it has aged wonderfully.)
3. El Schorcho- Weezer (I honestly could not have told you the name of this song if it wasn’t for iTunes or its inclusion on the Mark Romanek video retrospective that came out a few months back.)
4. Folsom Prison Blues- Johnny Cash (I thought Joaquin did an amazing job singing in Walk the Line but there’s no substitute for the original.)
5. Hey Man Nice Shot- Filter (I’ve always been confused about the NIN connection to this song. Did Reznor write it or produce it or was it just a knock off? Either way it’s a great song.)

The Evolution and Downfall of “Fake” News

I’m a big supporter of “fake” news. Ever since I first watched SCTV and SNL’s Weekend Update as a wee lad, I’ve enjoyed a satirical angle on our news. Hell it beats the mainstream conservative media coverage we get day in and day out.

Right now we’re in the midst of a “fake” news renaissance. In print and online The Onion has extended well past its college origins and has spread into urban centers across the land through its books, websites and of course its weekly newspaper. Saturday Night Live still manages to bring off the occasionally entertaining newscast, especially since Tina Fey took over a few years back. Obviously the big two are Comedy Central’s hour of power, The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. The Daily Show in particular seems to have crossed over into a genre into itself.

The majority of people I know in the 18-35 demographic get their news from a combination of the web and The Daily Show. Thanks to the success of the show and their style I believe The Daily Show has become a news show that pretends to be a fake one.

Case in point, Jon Stewart joined the show as a comedian with a shaky resume as an actor and a mildly successful stint hosting a talk show on MTV. He has honed his entertaining skills but also has become an engaging interviewer and dare I say journalist. Stewart has managed the fine art of changing directions on a dime. He can hammer a guest for their support of the president one second and the next be giggling like a little school girl. The man also does more research then any other talking head I come across on TV. When J Stew says he’s read a guests book, I believe it.

Speaking of guests, in the last two years the quality of guest has increased ten fold. In the past the show would feature b-list actors 3 out of 4 nights a week, now we’ve seen a complete reverse and we are treated to authors, historians, Senators, and dignitaries the majority of nights. (The quality of the celebrities has also increased when they do appear.) The show does a great job of booking a wide range of thinkers on both the left and right and Stewart treats them all equally.

There is a negative to this evolution that The Daily Show has gone through and that lies in the fact that the more seriously its take the more it will be treated as a regular TV news program by politicians. I came to this sad realization when John McCain stopped by on Tuesday night. McCain has embraced the far right more and more in the last year obviously kissing up before primary season. The cherry on top of this ice cream Sunday is that he recently agreed to give the commencement address at Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University (or as like to call it Errorism U). McCain has been a “friend” to The Daily Show for years. His past moderate views and refreshing honesty have endeared him to Stewart and much of the audience. While I’ll never say I thought seriously about voting for the man he was quickly becoming the Republican I’d be willing to live with if forced to. This run to the right either exposes McCain as a fraudulent moderate or, more likely, a political opportunist who will sell his soul to take that next big step. I think Stewart realized this and really hit the Senator with some tough questions. Now in the past I think McCain would’ve given a straight answer or at least made an attempt to. Instead we got 5 minutes of question avoidance mixed with numerous references to “the young people who watch this show.” As we approach mid-terms and inDecision 2008, I’m afraid The Daily Show may see more of this. Now that the professional idiots known as politicians are aware of the viewership and the impact of their performance on the show I believe many will choose to play it safe. After all, isn’t it better to disappoint a basic cable audience then to offer up a sound bite that Fox News will play into the ground.

Spy Game

As I’ve drifted off to sleepy land the last few Thursdays I’ve come across an intriguing reality show imported from the BBC and televised on PBS. It follows a group of would be spies as they go through training and exercises that real spies go through. Now I don’t have to tell you that US television is always looking over seas for the next big hit. Sometimes it’s a failure like Coupling or Greed. Other times, it’s a success like The Office or Family Feud. I propose that we take this grand idea of a show and flush it out with something any American could endorse; gratuitous use of celebrities. Here’s my pitch:

Premise: Alias + Punked= Ratings Gold

Full Description: Twelve contestants are kidnapped from their day to day life and brought to LA’s FBI headquarters. Your host (I’m thinking Richard Dreyfuss because he’s got that great voice for narration) welcomes the players and informs them they’ll go through a series of challenges and training sessions to become master spies. Unbeknownst to the contestants a lot of the challenges will have them interacting with celebrities who will not be in on the joke but their agent/staff/loved ones will be. At the end of the day, the contestants are broken into 3 teams of 4 and assigned to safe houses around the LA area.

Early on the group goes through challenges and training to test their observations skills, their ability to blend in, and their ability to find and collect info. An example of a challenge would be; gain access to an invitation only Hollywood party at Judge Reinhold’s house. Yet another would be to obtain a copy of the script of the hot new Rob Schneider flick by infiltrating the auditions. Teams will be narrowed down by their teachers based upon performance. Think the Apprentice but set in an interrogation room.

When the players are narrowed down to the final two, they will choose 3 previous contestants each to execute their final mission. Each team will be assigned to an advanced mission and like the previous missions the celeb victims are not in on it. For example, Team 1 would have to kidnap Kevin Federline and strand him in a remote region. Team 2 could be tasked with the mission of obtaining Katie Holmes pre natal records. Now here’s where the show could really succeed, if the team carries out their mission successfully they are given a choice…return the person/information and the team leader receives a $500,000 prize or choose to keep/share the information from/with the world.

Think about the possibilities we could clean up our celebrity filled lives and have a hit TV show all at the same time.

(On a side note I must admit that part of the inspiration for this came when I dubbed myself the world’s first Brinja this past weekend. What’s a Brinja you ask? A Brinja is one who combines the dance moves of Brittney Spears with the stealth of a ninja. As the world’s first and most acclaimed Brinja I do feel I must speak up and say to Brittney, “Lose K-Fed and the kid ASAP and by any means necessary and then get back to shaking your booty and making obnoxiously bad music!” As you can see Brinjas are not very zen and demand action.)