2007 Oscar Wrap Up

Apologies to all but I’m running on 5 hours of sleep after one of the most lackluster Oscar shows ever produced that didn’t involve the word Whoopi, so today’s column is a bit venom and hate filled.

Pre-Show Thoughts (12pm-7:30pm)
- Bringing out Victoria’s Secret models always makes an otherwise worthless TV program passable as long as it’s muted.
- The original View girl, Debbie the Greek, should join Nicole Ritchie at eating rehab.
- Ryan Seacrest is not only a tool; he is an ignorant, classless, tool who probably could’ve been a sexual predator in another life. For god’s sake the man was unbuttoning his pants to show his underwear while Dame Helen Mirren was walking up to him.
- Although I love Project Runway and have taken pride in developing my own sense of fashion over the last few years, I apparently still know nothing about it. Seriously where do they dig up these fashion “experts”? Here’s a sampling of the outfits I heard applauded:
1. Penelope Cruz and her dress that looked like it had dyed rat fur glued around the bottom.
2. Kirsten Dunst and her grandma flapper dress along with her “just got down working out hair” style.
3. The bow that ate Nicole Kidman.
- You can take Jennifer Hudson out of American Idol but you can’t take American Idol out of Jennifer Hudson. In one night she managed to take all the goodwill she had built up and flushed it all down the toilet by acting like a reality TV star that was enjoying her 15 minutes of fame. First she showed up in one of the night’s worst outfits (that jacket looked like it was stolen from the set of a 1970’s sci-fi movie). Then she proceeded to walk around the red carpet with her hands in her pockets. Again apparently I’m a fashion idiot but only kangaroos and Ellen Degeneres’ pants suits should have pockets at the Oscars. Hudson needs to go to some kind of finishing school where she learns good posture and how to carry herself like a star and stop being so false humble. I mean Jesus, she made Beyonce look like the classy one and by the end of the night I was not only cheering for her to lose but was reassessing my enjoyment of Dreamgirls completely.
- Chris Connelly is the ant-Seacrest and gives ABC’s pre-show an air of professionalism and importance.
- Did the Academy start a save the ex-View hosts program? First Debbie and then Lisa Ling, I kept waiting for Star Jones to show up and eat someone.

Show Thoughts (7:30pm- Is it over yet?)
- Decent opening but it set the trend for the night by going on for too long.
- Ellen can be funny but she looked like she was in over her head much of the night and not in the Jon Stewart “look I’m in over my head isn’t it cute” way.
- Pan’s won the first two awards and I already knew I was in for a long night of incorrect Oscar picks.
- Speaking of which, how does Pan win almost every award it’s up for but lose in the foreign film category? Never underestimate the lobbying power of the Germans.
- Every year the pairings of presenters becomes more and more Grammy-esque. It seems like every tandem is there to plug their new movie in some way. Thank god Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson presented an award together or I never would’ve known there was a Spider-Man 3 coming soon.
- Was Maggie Gyllenhal trying to be funny by showing less emotion the Spock during her Tech Oscars segment?
- Overall I found the interpretive dance troop to be creepy and a waste of my time but I’ve got to admit the Snakes on a Plane bit made me profoundly happy.
- Can’t believe Arkin took down Eddie. What a great moment it would’ve been if only the camera man had bothered to shoot Murphy’s full face. Just another example of a surprisingly poorly produced show.
- No awards for Children of Men make Elliot something something.
- Jack looked scary rocking the bald look.
- Hands down highlight of the night was Ferrell, Black, and O’Reily doing their song and dance.
- Watching with my Oscar peeps, it was nice to know that I’m not the only one who has an unnatural dislike of Randy Newman.
- I’m downloading West Bank Story tonight. If I had known what that was I would’ve picked it for sure. Also the director gave one of the best speeches of the night.
- I guess the term “never bet against Pixar”, should be amended to, “never bet against Pixar unless there are penguins involved.”
- I think Al Gore’s charisma is increasing in proportion to his waist line. Loved him and Leo together.
- I was happy with the screenplay awards going to Departed and Sunshine.
- I think Clint was lying to us and skipping every third word Marconi said during the lifetime achievement award.
- Did Will Smith present a tribute to America hating immigrants, minorities, and Superman? I’m confused.
- Thank god Marty won. You had a feeling the fix was in when Coppola, Lucas and Spielberg came out.
- Thank you Forrest Whitaker for finally delivering a good (not great) acceptance speech. After winning so many other awards, it seemed like he finally had his act together.
- I enjoyed Ellen’s bits in the audience but when the show is already 25 minutes over does she really need to do another one with a vacuum cleaner.
- Isn’t it a conflict of interest to have a star from one of the nominated movies present Best Picture?
- By the time The Departed took Best Picture everyone I was with was completely gassed. I think my apartment cleared out in .03 seconds after the name was read. The show was long and except for Arkin’s win was really surprise free. Blah was the buzz word for last nights show. Hopefully next year they’ll bring back the old producer and find a host that can carry the show through the slow times better then Ellen. Of course the biggest improvement would be if there are more quality films to choose from.