Top 10 Reasons I Won’t Be Watching Paris Hilton’s My New BFF

A lot of you have been telling me that you’re looking forward to my coverage of the latest new low in TV history, Paris Hilton’s My New BFF. It’s a fair question given some of the drivel that I consume on a regular basis however I’m happy to report that I’m about to prove you wrong. Here are the top 10 reasons I won’t be tuning in:

10. Can’t enjoy watching Paris unless she’s in night vision

9. It’s tough to care about a search for a bff when I can watch a search for the next venereal disease on A Shot of Love, Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, NeXt, etc.

8. Waiting for Brody Jenner’s show.

7. Waiting for Whitney’s Hills spin-off.

6. While the competitions are sure to be degrading, nothing will top the self-degradation of vying for Paris Hilton’s “friendship”.

5. I’m waiting for season 2 as I have a sneaky feeling that Paris won’t find true friendship this time round.

4. If we encourage this, what’s next, New York Goes to Hollywood? Oh, wait….

3. In the event you’re reading this after I’ve passed, I want you to think better of me.

2. Its Paris fucking Hilton!!!!

1. Aww who am I kidding I’m just waiting for a marathon in a few weekends.

Runway Roundup: Week 11

Oh my god does Tim Gunn have to go ahead and kill a bitch? When Kenley stepped to Tim this week on Project Runway, I thought he was going to erase her…and with good frakking reason. While Kenley surprised me by making it through last week I thought the minute she tried to play Tim, that she was outta her for good. As always though I’m getting ahead of myself.

This week we got another interpretation of the always classic challenge where designers design for the fellow designers all while trying to use variations on the word design. This time around, the twist was that each designer was given a music genre that was supposed to inspire their look. Early on, you could see designers cracking under the pressure. Korto was clearly worried about not only designing menswear for Suede but also the fact that his look was punk. In the end though, that worry was misplaced as Korto took this to challenge to the house. Her distressed denim pants were the best piece of the show and it was an outfit (pictured above) I’d purchase in a second. Meanwhile, Kenley put on a brave, stupid face and said she could do Leanne in hip hop, but we all knew otherwise. It was at this point that Tim paid his usual visit and inquired about Kenley’s intentions. The girl had a freak out and pretty much told Tim to his face that he was an out of touch old man. Tim looked so pissed and deservedly so but to his credit, he simply walked away. Truth is Tim must have been sure Kenley was leaving based on how horrible her look was.

Here’s a list of what was wrong with Kenley’s outfit (pictured above):
• Cloris Leachman wouldn’t wear it.
• It channeled Prince in Under the Cherry Moon.
• It made Vanilla Ice look hip hop.
• It made Leanne’s va jay jay look all up in here.
• Floral patterns were only hip hop on De La Soul.
• It looked cheap.
• It looked like it was from the 80’s, which was the very thing she was trying to avoid.

Unfortunately, the judges hate America and in the end, Kenley survived despite telling off the judges yet again. Sadly, Suede, who I thought mixed glam rock and modern rock sensibilities brilliantly, was sent packing. Suede handled his departure with a grace and humility that Kenley will never know. Next week it looks like Kenley mouths off to Heidi so I’m guessing the end has to be near but then again she miraculously made it through this week.

Holy crap does Knight Rider suck!

I knew this show would probably blow but after 15 minutes I just couldn't take it. It is the suckiest suck suck show of the Fall. Why watch that when you could spend your time watching this:

Casualty of Fall: 90210

Technically my first self-cancelled show was Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, but that was due to TiVo overload with Gossip Girl and Chuck. Now we’re a few weeks into the new season though and I’ve had to officially cancel my first show, 90210. Admittedly this was not a completely unexpected turn of events. While the show was born from a desire to turn nostalgia into greed, there was still a chance for this show to succeed. However it has been 10% nostalgia and 90% bad Gossip Girl rip off. I like the 10% nostalgia, don’t get me wrong but it’s just not enough to keep me around. I like seeing Kelly and Brenda but knowing that Donna and Dylan aren’t coming back makes it a short-term love affair. This was made even more painful when we got the big reveal that Kelly’s baby daddy is the aforementioned Dylan. In addition, the “Donna Martin Graduates” reference in the first ep was made even more painful thanks to the public dispute Tori Spelling has had with the network. As far as the new kids go, the show smacks of a been there, seen it done better vibe. The kids out of water from Kansas are far too fashion forward to pull off the hick aura they’re meant too. Likewise the existing LA students are poor Blair and Serena rip offs (although points for making the Serena copy a guy). I think the biggest problem is that there is no sense of family between the existing LA gang. One of the ways the original 90210 worked was that Brandon and Brenda had to work to befriend the Peach Pit gang. These newbies just fell right in as if they’d been there all along. Now I’m not going to say all is lost on this show. The news broke today that the show has been given a full season order and that former Buffy and Gilmore Girl writer Rebecca Rand Kirshner is heading up the writers’ room. This hold’s some promise but not enough for me to keep my season pass for the show.

Quick Album Review: Mitch Hedberg- Do you believe in gosh?

One of my great regrets is that I didn’t get turned on to Mitch Hedberg’s unique comic stylings until late in the comedian’s life. When Hedberg passed back in 2005 I was truly saddened and as I’ve found more material of his over time, that sadness has grown. So it was with great anticipation that I picked up this posthumous CD that his family and friends put together. The album features some free form shows that were recorded prior to his death. Hedberg was apparently testing out new material for a tour and CD. Sadly this material should have stayed in the possession of his estate. While there are some great bits like his take on the Headless Horseman, the recording is one long downer. Hedberg may have been testing out new material but his lack of focus is disheartening and disturbing. Too often I found myself wondering if he was fucked up on coke or heroin during the show. The interaction with the audience is also confusing and poorly translates to an audio only format. I respect that his family is trying to keep Mitch in the public eye (and make a few bucks), and I hope that other fans are able to get more enjoyment out of it, but to me it was just a sad reminder of what we all lost.

Off to the Random Mitch Generator to cheer myself up...CLICK HERE TO JOIN ME

Runway Roundup: Week 10

This week’s Project Runway certainly set up as if it was going to be an hour-long good bye to everyone’s favorite bitch Kenley. Yes Kenley, the designer who I was initially in love with, thanks to her retro style and catty attitude. However as the weeks have gone on we’ve seen what was once cute, turn into monotonous styles and straight up asshole ‘tude. For example, she’s grown increasingly testy with Miss Heidi herself. Unfortunately, Kenley’s departure was not meant to be.

As we opened this week Kenley certainly seemed to be set up to fail as she was confronted with this week’s make over challenge. Taking women fresh out of college and giving them professional looks definitely ranks up there as a classic Runway challenge. As luck (or dumb stupid fate) would have it Kenley was paired with a mini-me. The two of them not only shared a fashion sense but also seemed to be equally childish. However, the two paired together to make a passable dress although not a winning one. In fact, perhaps the most enjoyable moment we got was seeing Kenley smolder when Jerrell was named the winner. Speaking of Jerrell his look this week finally seemed to match his potential. I loved the brown color palette and he even managed to make the tired pencil skirt look fresh (see above). I thought Leanne once again nailed it and was shocked that the judges found it frumpy. Her client was a schoolteacher for Christ sake! Oh well at least she was safe. I liked Suede’s as well but it looked a little sloppy. I thought Korto made a huge misstep this week. Her jacket was the best individual piece but I thought it didn’t match the dress. On top of that, I thought the dress was too short and unflattering. Korto didn’t have anything to worry about though since the judges liked it and she was going against Racist Fuseli Joe. Yes dear old out of touch Joe. After a few weeks of almost appearing to be you and hip, Joe had a senior moment and made one of the worst looks of the season. The pinstripes were ugly and that blouse looked like something a designer eliminated in week one would have made. Therefore, Joe leaves us and that makes me sad, especially as Kenley snickered away on the runway. Next week we can only hope she get’s her comeuppance when she takes on Jesus…I mean Tim Gunn.

St Paul Restaurant Review: The Strip Club

This past weekend I returned back to the Twin Cities to celebrate my mother’s birthday and in doing so enjoyed a meal that stirred my culinary soul. Yes, I know I am setting a high bar with that statement but I cannot begin to truly articulate my thoughts about The Strip Club. Located in the Dayton’s Bluff area of St. Paul this relative newcomer is instantly in my top five Twin Cities restaurants. Of course, with a pedigree that includes partners in Town Talk Diner and a former Muffaletta’s chef it should come as less of a surprise. Speaking of surprises, imagine mine, when we checked the card our “waiter” gave us and realized it that Tim Niver, the general manager and partner, who delivered excellent service to us all night. It should be noted that from the tables around us, the high level of service we experienced was a consistent theme. The narrow space in a former grocers shop is an experience all to its own. From the iron spiral staircase to the exposed brick, you truly feel the history of the building as you dine. Speaking of dine, let’s get to the meat of this story and that’s the food.

When you hear the name Strip Club, you think of flesh, either naked human or cooked cattle. In this case, the cow wins out along with the company of other top-notch choices. My mom and I started out with a couple of daily specials. The soup of the day was pumpkin and to say it had a kick would be an understatement. The mix of flavors here was certainly an indication of what the night held, as the fiery heat never overpowered, while the pumpkin was so subtle you just felt a faint hint at the back of your palette. The other rotating special we tried was their Meat on a Stick. This ode to State Fair features a different carnivores dream every day. Much to our delight the selection on Saturday was a house-cured pancetta paired with seared venison. The meats were lightly dusted in curry powder and served with a kohlrabi salad that also had a nice heat. Two slices of organic yellow watermelon accompanied the dish and shortly after we finished we were treated to a palette cleanser featuring the same watermelon. This time around, the watermelon was infused with ginger, lemongrass and rum. Once again, this hit the mark and none of the flavors lingered long enough to interfere with our next course, the Minnesota Market salad. This salad had the unusual combination of raspberries, sage, cashews, and mixed greens topped with a sweet corn vinaigrette. Stop me if I’m becoming repetitive but here again the flavors came in wave after subtle wave. I believe we were both sliding under the table in culinary joy at this point. However, we weren’t done as next we split the special of the day, a 10 oz. rib eye topped with avocado butter and leeks with roasted pumpkin. If I could bathe in avocado butter, I would. As the butter melted over the sliced rib eye, cooked to perfect temperature, the pumpkin and leeks absorbed the juices of the dish. I’m not usually a fan of leeks but I’d eat these every day if possible. Afraid over the lack of starch we also ordered the French fries and once again, a meal that we thought had peaked once again excelled. The homemade bacon ketchup was as thick as tomato paste and the bacon flavor ran through every pasty inch. If I could have one wish it would be that the good folks at the Strip Club bottle this foodie crack. Alas we ran short on time and had to dash without desert but the non-run of the mill cheesecake looked like a winner, as did the apple pie for one. The wine list was short but comprehensive. Both my mother and I enjoyed a Mojo Rojo Shiraz.

The Strip Club is also open for weekend brunch and lunch Tuesday through Friday. If you’re a Twin Cities resident I implore you as an ex-pat to get thee to the Strip Club on the quick. This place deserves everyone’s attention and believe me you will be rewarded with a meal that wash over you long after you’ve left their doorway.

The Strip Club, 378 Maria Avenue St Paul, MN 651-793-6247

Quick Review: Burn After Reading

After watching the latest Coen brothers’ film, Burn After Reading, it’s time once again to acknowledge their genius. Their ability to switch genres has defined their career and here they succeed again as they follow up No Country for Old Men with a screwball comedy mixed with a spy thriller. The results are typical Coen, as you get a movie that sticks with you long after the credits role. While it lacks the LPM (laughs per minute) of Tropic Thunder, Burn scores as a comedy. The ensemble cast all shine but the performance of Brad Pitt deserves special recognition. I’ve never seen Pitt play so much physical comedy and the results are memorable. His bumbling trainer kicks the film into high gear. Tilda Swinton and George Clooney turn in great performances that almost spoof the roles they’re famous for. I for one couldn’t help but see their roles from Michael Clayton as they interacted here. JK Simmons nearly steals the show as a CIA bureaucrat and John Malkovich yells a lot and frankly, that’s when he’s at his best. The Coens once again find new and beautiful ways to visually tell a story (special note of the bedroom scene with Swinton and Malkovich early on). The film does have a few slow bits especially early on but the final act speeds by and before you know it you’re left gasping and grasping. The Coens throw the best curves at the audience and just when you think they’ll zig they throw someone in a wood chipper.

Quick Review: Real World/Road Rules Challenge- The Island

It’s almost as if someone in charge at MTV has heard enough of all the whining. First, we got Sweet Sixteen Exiled. Now we get a challenge with no contests and no cushy pad (although it’s hardly Survivor-esque). Of course, there’s plenty of alcohol so plenty of drama and alcohol can ensue. As for the cast: holy Denver, Sydney, and LA. Best moment: former Sydney honeys Cohutta and KellyAnne crawling into bed only to pause for her to puke. Thankfully, with 20 folks leaves plenty of room for crazy vets. Case in point, Tonya. As Ryan put it, “I love Tonya cause she’s just a psychopath.” Meanwhile in the hook up department we get Johanna and Kenny, which actually made me miss Johanna and Wes. I like the cutthroat eliminations though. It was pretty amazing to see the rookies show balls and throw Tonya in the drink (both literally and figuratively). We’ll see how this plays out over an entire season but MTV appears to have come through on the promise to shake things up.

Runway Roundup: Week 9

I’m going through past Project Runway contestant overload tonight. We not only get the eliminated designers from this season but also some greats from seasons past. Personally, I would have preferred to see this split up over two eps but then again I can’t complain since we finally got a double elimination.

The challenge itself was fun but like seasons past, I feel like Tim and Heidi need to give the designers a dictionary defining avant-garde. Suede was boring. Kenley was avant-garde from 1942. Korto was ok but did not impress. Leanne was once again the best. I am a little concerned that her fascination with shapes will lead to a flame out but for now, I’ll enjoy the ride. Her dress (pictured above) met the challenge as it totally read Scorpio from head to toe. I also thought Racist Fusilli Joe rocked it hard and it was nice to see Killer Jerry get some redemption. Sadly, Blayne made a horrible outfit that looked poorly constructed. I love the kid and it kills me to say it but he deserved to go home. Of course, it was doubly sad since Stella was his teammate. Thankfully, the second elimination allowed me to cheer my ass off. Teri and her tired style finally left the building. She went from two faces to one horribly ugly one over the last few weeks. It got so bad tonight that I actually was longing for Keith to be back on the show instead of her.

So now we enter the stretch run. October 15th is the finale so we’ve only got a few more weeks to go. Meanwhile the news came out this week that the next Bravo-less season will hit in 2009 so hold on to each runway-licious moment (I miss Blayne already).

2008 Fall TV Preview: Mid-season Replacements

Ok so there’s nothing on Friday or Saturday which is safe to say now that Friday Night Lights has been exiled to DirectTV. So let’s turn our eyes towards one of the best midseason lineups in my lifetime.

Lost (ABC): Only two more seasons and after last year’s quick pace I’m guessing this midseason launch will come and go before we know it.

Reaper (CW): Not sure how the CW got all uppity and decided to delay this show until next year. Sam, Sock and Ben deserve better so here’s hoping one of the new shows fails quickly and we get Reaper back sooner.

Scrubs (ABC): Yes you read that right, ABC. This aging sitcom makes the leap from NBC to ABC for its final season…and maybe more? Sounds like the creators are mulling over an infusion of fresh blood and making an AfterScrubs once Zack Braff and company head off to greener pastures. Should make for an interesting ride.

Friday Night Lights (NBC): When I got HD this past month I was so excited cause I thought the new season of FNL was airing on Universal HD. Wrong! It’s going to be on DirectTV which I don’t get! So my apologies to one N Lund cause I’ll be waiting until winter like the rest of you. Once the show returns though say goodbye to Smash and Jason as the revolving door world of high school shows kicks them out for good.

24 (FOX): It’s been over 18 months since we last saw Jack Bauer scream, cry or torture and the surprising thing is that I’m ok with that. This show needed a break creatively and for the sake of the audience. Now it’s coming back with a TV movie in the Fall and a brand new season in the new year. I can’t get over the sight of Soul Patch Tony in the trailers so I’ll be more then happy to tune back in.

Dollhouse (FOX): In a year light with quality new shows, I’m still anxious that Fox has shelved Joss Whedon’s newest creation until mid-season. I seriously can’t wait for Eliza, Joss, and company to reign down goodness on the palette that is TV.

2008 Fall TV Preview: Sundays

Sunday Returning Shows
The Amazing Race (7pm CST, CBS): Once again it looks like Race is getting it right. No twists, no turns, just original “characters”, challenges, and locations. Papa Phil is ready to roll and so am I.
Premieres September 28th

The Simpsons (7pm CST, FOX: Honestly I’ve got nothing new to say about our favorite family. The quality did pick up last year after the movie so I’m hoping it’s another up year on Evergreen Terrace.
Premieres September 28th

Family Guy (8pm CST, FOX): While this show is certainly not appointment TV anymore, it still warrants a spot on my TiVo. Hard to believe though, that Seth McFarlane is now the highest paid creator in the US.
Premieres September 28th

Dexter (8pm CST, Showtime): Loved season one, liked season two, so season 3 better dazzle. Now that Dexter has gone through two turbulent years of questioning his motives, I’m looking forward to seeing the killer unleashed this year. The addition of Jimmy Smits to the cast is cool but no one will replace Doakes.
Premiers September 28th

Runway Roundup: Week 8

Last night’s Project Runway had so many moments that I find myself struggling to pick just one. So today in honor of John McCain, I am going bullet style all over America’s ass.

•If you did not see Stella’s departure coming the minute after the reveal of the challenge, then you know less about high fashion then she does (not a bad thing).

•As Stella paged through the “look book” given to the designers, did anyone else see the genuine look of surprise on her face? It was almost as if she was thinking, “What are these one legged body length suits?”

•While Stella’s style was ill suited for the challenge it appeared Fusilli Joe’s taste was just as ill suited. I am sorry but the dude is just not high fashion. His Singapore look reminded me of Willie in Temple of Doom.

•Fusilli Joe will now be known as Racist Joe. Not only did he use Oriental to describe a group of folks (who does that), but he also seemed to speak in an “ancient Chinese secret’ voice when speaking with Jerrell in the episode.

•Speaking of Jerrell, would someone please tell him to stop with the hats! Hats on him, hats on his models, hats on his cats, just leave them on the Bluefly shelf.

•I join the designers in calling for an end to Pantsfest 2008. Terri needs to discover the other three patterns she has in her head. Sadly, her two faces are turning into just one ugly one.

•While I knew Stella was in trouble from the get go, I instantly knew that Kenley had a chance to kill the challenge. Of course, I was rooting for her to fail in her most personally important challenge of the season. Thankfully, I got my wish. I was impressed that she had time to make a dress between all the crying sessions. While the dress was nice, it was nothing special. It was certainly not worth pissing Heidi off by being an A-1 nut job on the runway.

•Leanne does it again. Her look (pictured above) is another example of her growth on the show. Four episodes ago I bet she would have put that beautiful back ruffle on the back, front, side, and jacket. Her editing has improved ten fold and her fabric choice is constantly improving.

Before I wrap up, how about everyone takes a moment today and thinks about Stella. I hope she, Ratbones, and her children made out of leatha have a wonderful life…and a spin off show!

2008 Fall TV Preview: Thursdays

Returning Shows
30 Rock (8:30pm CST, NBC): No sophomore slump, no let downs, no cheesy romances, just straight up cutting edge unique humor. That’s how I’d describe the second season of 30 Rock, and as we enter season 3 I expect nothing less. While the ratings are still low, NBC seems committed to making this show a hit. That’s fine, as long as they don’t mess with the formula. One part Alec Baldwin being silly, two parts Tracey Morgan being crazy, and 3 parts Tina Fey being smart, charming, clumsy, and all together awkward.
Premieres October 30th

The Office (8pm CST, NBC): I don’t think I ever wrote about how much I loved last year’s finale. The unexpected engagement was a twist and a half, as was the possible parentage cliff hanger. While the show did suffer some last year as it got overexposed in hour long eps, I still think this is one of the better shows on TV. I’m guessing we might begin to see things wind down this year as I honestly can’t see the show going more then another 2 seasons. (JAM I’m talking to you…)
Premieres September 25th

Survivor: Gabon (7pm CST, CBS): Who cares about this edition being in “the last Eden”, I’m all hyped up about the fact that this year’s Survivor will be in HD. Yes now we can see every speck of dirt, every mosquito bite, and every tear of pain as the contestants connive and backstab in the jungle of Gabon.
Premieres September 18th

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (9pm CST, F/X): I’m going to stop trying to sell you people on this show, because apparently my pleading worked. Not only did last year’s 3rd season become a ratings star for F/X, but the DVD sales were through the roof as well. With that said, F/X has announced a total of 3 more seasons for this obnoxious, crass, brutally honest show about the gang at Paddy’s pub. Even DeVito signed on for the rest of the series. Now with its future no longer in doubt we can just sit back and enjoy.
Premiers September 18th

The Sarah Silverman Show (9:30pm CST, Comedy Central): I grew tired of Silverman’s shtick last year, but I’m willing to give the show another go around. However, it’s got a short leash. Hopefully we’ll get plenty of the strong supporting cast including giant man Brian Posein.
Premieres October 16th

Kitchen Nightmare (8pm CST, FOX): I’ve gotta admit that when I started watching old eps of this show’s first season over the summer I got a little hooked. Now with a premiere episode that features Gordon Ramsey returning to six restaurants he previously “saved” I’m guaranteed to give the show a few more weeks.
Premieres September 4th

New Shows
SNL Weekend Update (8:30pm CST, NBC): Not really new and not really a show, this half hour election oriented SNL will air off and on until the election. If it does well then get ready for more of these specials throughout the year. Of course there will be no Pohler on the update so I dubious of the quality.
Premieres October 9th