I Refuse to Call Them Cheftestants: Week 10

Quaker Oats challenge?!?!? Top Chef New York just keeps setting the bar lower and lower. At least they didn’t have to use the Diet Dr. Pepper a few weeks back. The Quickfires have been the stronger challenges for the most part this year but this makes three bad ones in a row. The All Star challenge was certainly unique and I did enjoy seeing some of the also-rans from seasons past. Too bad they didn’t have any investment or motivation to truly compete or I figure our season 5 folks would have gotten killed. Jeff was long overdue to get the boot as his convoluted style made for messy, ugly plates. Stefan my have stumbled but he and Jamie are still the only chefs worth anything. On the plus side Eric Rippert returns next week to cook and criticize which usually makes for a good show and Carla, while not much of a Top Chef, continues to be the lone bright spot character wise. The winning prize had to be the best ever as Carla got two Super Bowl tickets. Holy crap that’s certainly better than an autographed Rocco DiSpirito book. In honor of her win, I give you this heartfelt tribute.

Like JJ Fad said, “Super Sonic”

Last night my partner and I made the snap decision to visit the newly opened Sonic Drive In here in Madison. Anyone who watches sports, The Hills, or TV in general should at least be aware of Sonic thanks to their creative, funny ads. I myself have been a Sonic fan since 1997 when I spent a summer in Oklahoma shooting a movie. Nothing like a slushie, shake or smoothie on a 90-degree day in the plains. My desire for Sonic has never dissipated despite the fact that Sonic failed to open anywhere close to my haunts of Minneapolis and Madison…that is until now. After conquering the Twin Cities, Sonic has now followed down to Madison. The first of three planned outlets, the Sonic located on University Avenue opened on Monday to great fanfare and typical Madison snobiness. Yes, Sonic is a chain fast food place but speaking as someone who can enjoy a meal at L’Etoile one day and The Plaza the next, Sonic certainly has a place in this world.

Arriving at 8:30 on Tuesday, my partner and I figured we’d avoid the initial rush of folks, but the place was busting at the seams. Traffic signs and extra police were on hand to guide folks into the parking lot and by the time we left the line was down the block. (On a side note, Mayor Dave, please use the Madison cut of the stimulus to fix the blacktop on University.) While we planned to take our meal home, we took the first available stall rather than the drive thru. Surveying the menu took a few minutes but then we called in our order with complete ease and found paying through the card swipe even easier. Our food was out in less than 4 minutes and was hot and fresh. I opted for the Bacon Cheeseburger Toaster, which also featured an onion ring, BBQ sauce and fresh veggies in between two slices of Texas toast. I also tried an order of cheese fries. The cheese was just ok but the fries were awesome. As my partner said, “Those taste like real potatoes.” My partner sampled the tater tots and commented on the perfect seasoning on the old standards. Finally, I could not leave Sonic without revisiting that summer of 97. I got a cream grape slush which combines soft serve with slushie for a taste combination that’s damn near orgasmic. I was starving when we arrived that evening so I ordered everything in its largest size, and here’s another area where Sonic sets itself apart from other chains. Their large is actually reasonable and not an obnoxious obesity inducing size. The whole experience was smooth and easy which is also notable for a place with just 2 days of full operations under their belt. We’ll be back for sure especially when the weather turns and we can enjoy the full drive in experience.

Get Rid of Whit Whit and Make This the Nevan Show

Not sure if you’ve been watching The City lately folks, but MTV’s Hills spinoff is finally finding its grove. However, the success is not due to the exaggerated facial expressions of star Whitney Port or the vacillating accent of her boy toy Jay. No, the show has become quite entertaining thanks to the presence of Nevan Donahue, the cousin of Whit’s socialite co-worker Olivia. Every time Nevan is on screen, you’re expecting some kind of WTF moment. First, there was his spitting ticket. Then there was his homelessness. Then last night there was his disdain for downtown hipsters combined with his pit stained white undershirt. Nevan is comedy gold and certainly deserves a Bromance-type show in his future. Of course, I’m not sure how MTV feels about giving johns their own show. Yep that’s right, in addition to spitting on New York streets, Nevan was picked up for solicitation a few months back (mug shot above). What will those crazy rich kids do next? I’m guessing die of an overdose but we’ll just have to keep watching to see.

Quick Review: United States of Tara

Showtime has certainly come out from the shadow of HBO with efforts like The L Word, Weeds, and Dexter and their latest effort, The United States of Tara should only strengthen their position. Oscar winning writer Diablo Cody (Juno) has performed a small miracle by turning something that Steven Spielberg created into a quality production. This is in no small part thanks to the fact that Cody has turned down the “Juno” speak and shown that she has a lot versatility in her pen. Furthermore the cast of this show is immediately one of my favorite ensembles. Continuing the list of Hollywood stars going to TV, Toni Collette stars as Tara the lead character with dissociative identity disorder (DID). She also stars as Tara’s alters, Buck, T and Alice. Collette has always been underrated and her ability to switch between alters is not only believable but down right chilling. John Corbett, of Northern Exposure fame, brings his aww shucks shtick and it works perfectly as Tara’s husband. Relative unknowns play the two children of Tara but both bring humor and drama in every scene. Rounding out the cast are a series of supporting characters played by such stand outs as Patton Oswalt, Nat Corddry, and Tony Hale. The first two eps have been spent mostly introducing us to the alters and the family dynamic and that is where this show shines. The struggles of this family may be greater thanks to Tara’s condition but you also appreciate the details to their family life that is “normal”. With quality like this it makes it damn tough to cancel that Showtime subscription.

I Refuse to Call Them Cheftestants: Week 9

Half way through? That’s all we are? In yet another sign of how abysmal this season of Top Chef is, we’ve still got a half a season left after what seems like an eternity of slow uninspired episodes. The light at the end of the mid-way tunnel was to be this week’s Restaurant Wars, yet even the most anticipated episode of the season failed to shake the show up. However, I’m willing to stop blaming the challenges and now ready to squarely blame the contestants and the casting directors who picked them.

The Quickfire Challenge presented an amazing opportunity to impress a world famous restaurateur and these chefs shrank like violets. Jamie, who has been my favorite this season, truly disappointed me by intentionally tanking it. Can you imagine past season chefs like Marcel, Sam, Hung, or Tiffany doing that? I don’t care if Restaurant Wars can seal your fate. If you’ve got a chance to impress a guy who makes and breaks careers, you better do it. I thought Stefan, Leah, and Radhika certainly did the best job of explaining and then delivering their concepts. I was a little surprised to see the ladies get the win. Unfortunately, they did not follow through.

I think any group of fans, former contestants, or foodies in general had to be disappointed in the product Leah and Radhika put out. Leah engaged in some youthful stupidity (no I’m not talking about her stupid spit swap with Hosea) by ignoring the contribution Stefan could bring to her team. Imagine how well they could have done if she let him execute her menu instead of relegating him to desserts. Kudos to Stefan for not letting that demotion prevent him from shining brightly. Leah did make a great choice in letting Fabio take the front of the house but that’s about all I’ll give her credit for. Her menu looked like every other pan-Asian restaurant I’ve been too recently, and the décor and food lacked pizzazz. Radhika meanwhile decided to open the same restaurant as Leah. In the Quickfire she articulated why her mix of flavors was unique but in delivery it again struck me as nothing new. She also failed to assert herself by letting Jeff work in back instead of the front. To top it all off she didn’t even take ownership of the only role she had left, hostess. Some folks I spoke with over the last few days were outraged that Team Leah won the challenge since they served some inedible food and were outclassed in every dish except for dessert. I disagree completely. Restaurant Wars is not just about the food its about the experience. Everything from the silverware to the service makes a difference and Radhika failed to execute in every area and certainly did not lead. Kudos to the judges for getting rid of this one dish pony.

I am getting tired of sounding like a broken record but the truth is this is the least talented group of chefs Top Chef has ever seen. Next week we get a face off against a group of All Stars, which should make the disparity even more clear.

First Impression: Oscar Nominations

I’ll have my usual coverage of the Academy Awards coming up in February including detailed overviews of the main categories and live coverage of the ceremony itself; in the meantime, however I do have some initial thoughts.

• The biggest oversight this year is in the Best Picture category. The omission of Dark Knight and the inclusion of The Reader will go down as one of the great clusterfucks in Oscar history. Hell I’d say they were a number of films including Wall-E that were more deserving than The Reader based on critical and commercial reception.
• Thank god the Best Original Song category is only three strong. Should be very competitive as well.
• Saddened to see Kate Winslet nominated for The Reader versus Revolutionary Road. Again while this is only based on critical response and not my own first hand experience, it sounds like the lesser role was nominated which could once again deny Kate her golden man.
• Cheers to the obvious Heath Ledger nomination but too bad the expected win comes at the expense of Robert Downey Jr.’s Oscar worthy turn in Tropic Thunder.
• Directing category is once again a disappointment as both Chris Nolan and
Darren Aronofsky were overlooked in favor of The Reader. The only way to make this up is to give David Fincher his long deserved recognition.
• Toughest category might be Make Up with Hellboy II, Dark Knight, and Benjamin Button.
• Speaking of Benjamin, I’ve got a feeling this is one of those Oscar occurrences where a film gets a ton of nominations but ends up winning very few.
• Finally, I have some serious viewing to do so I can give some more first hand opinions.

My Top 5 Expectations for the new season of Lost

5. The Oceanic Six will be reunited with the island sooner rather than later.
While I’m excited to see the dynamic the separation of the core characters creates, I’m equally worried that it will drag on far too long. In other words, don’t make this a season long quest, at least not for all six. Something tells me they may not all go back at the same time.

4. Embrace the time travel aspect and tell the network to screw off.
Indications over the last few years have been that ABC is concerned Team Darlton is giving viewers more than they can handle, especially in the case of time travel. I say screw it and give us more. The Constant from last year was one of the season’s best episodes and was full of time travel confusion. Looks like this season will embrace the time travel and I hope they don’t dumb it down or try to explain everything away, as some questions don’t need answering.

3. It’s time for the core characters to start talking to each other.
One of my biggest frustrations with our Losties is their inability to share things with each other. I’m not just talking about their secrets but also casual observations like, “Hey Jack I had a drink with your old man in Australia.” I’m hoping that the teamwork, forced or not, that the Oceanic Six will have to employ to get back, creates an atmosphere where sharing means caring. I get that this is one of the writers’ tools for engaging the audience but enough is enough.

2. More blasts from the past.
You know who’s in the ads for the new Liam Neeson flick? Shannon, Boone’s dead and long forgotten sister. How about having her pop up to motivate lady-killer Sayid? Let’s see some more Libby and how she came to be at the same mental institution as Hurley. I know he left the show in a huff but can’t we get some more Echo too. Finally, we demand more Charlie and Taller Ghost Walt.

1. Tell us what’s up with the island.
A tall order I know, but I think it’s about time we get some answers. How does the island move? Where and/or when did it go? How come the Others don’t seem to age? When was it Widmore’s island and how did he lose it? What’s the deal with good old 4 toes? If we got an answer to just one of these questions I think I’d be happy but with only two seasons left, the shows got plenty of explaining to do and not much time.

Bonus Expectation: Keep rocking this show out of the park!Last year’s season was the best yet and the show has grown in my heart and mind over the hiatus. It has joined Twin Peaks and Buffy as one of my top shows of all time. I cannot wait to start the ride tonight and damn it all, even if they don’t meet any of these expectations I bet it will be amazingly good.

Quick Review: Star Wars- The Clone Wars

It is with great shame that I even acknowledge viewing this piece of shit. I know I had this on my top 10 most anticipated films of last summer, but after the horrible word of mouth and even crappier box office I was scared away. That was until a quiet Saturday night left me and my partner at home with nothing to watch. We downloaded the movie from Amazon and hoped to escape to a galaxy, far, far away. Sadly, we were just disappointed and insulted. I believe everything possible has been said about what a disservice George Lucas has done to the Star Wars fanbase by releasing this crap, but here’s my two cents.

•Lucas has a bizarre sense of making things child friendly. While this version of Clone Wars is clearly aimed at kids, the violence is off the charts for the Star Wars universe.
•The animation is amazing but the quality actually diminishes the prequels because you realize just how fake some of those backgrounds were.
•The voice acting is flat and out of character. Even the droid work is shoddy.
•Most importantly this is an insult to the The Clone Wars series by Genndy Tartakovsky. The first version of The Clone Wars released by the Cartoon Network between Episode II and III is a classic and should never be mentioned in the same breath as this crap.

I Refuse to Call Them Cheftestants: Week 8

I know these thoughts are a day late and a dollar short but you can than MTV and my previous post for that. This week's Top Chef lost some omph once they started advertising Restaurant Wars for next week. It's almost like saying enjoy this meaningless bowl game for now because the Super Bowl is on next week. So while we wait for the challenge that usually separates the chefs we're left with yet another 5th season snoozer. Stefan cooks great. Hosea is miffed. Radika gets by with the skin of her teeth and another predictable loser gets her long awaited walking papers. Even the return of season 3 champ Hung can't help the show. Seriously Bravo! you're losing me here. If next week becomes less about Restaurant Wars and more about the lamest shomance in reality history (Hosea and Leah), as the promo indicated, than this season will officially written off.

First Impressions: The Real World- Brooklyn

The fact that I recently made a comparison between Oxygen’s Bad Girls Club and The Real World should tell you how far MTV’s reality flagship show has fallen. As I sat down to watch the first two hours, my expectations were to witness drunken fights, drunken hook ups, drunken breakdowns, and drunken accidents. In other words, my expectations were low.

Imagine my surprise though as I was introduced to the latest cast. Gone is the homogeny of recent seasons. We’ve actually got ourselves a diverse group of cast mates including two racial minorities, three folks that identify within the LGBT community, and even a Mormon for good measure. The roommates are having serious discussions and opening up about everything from parental abuse to living as transgender. There’s even an Iraqi vet in the cast who has provided a window into life after war. These discussions and this diversity is what many, including myself, have been calling for. It’s a return to the good ol’ days of New York, San Fran, and LA and you know what, it’s boring as hell!

Please go out and get wasted people! I’ll admit that seeing Va-jay-jay, or whatever her name is, try and hip-hop dance is pretty entertaining, but I’d much rather see her make out with strangers and then blow up at her roommates. Meanwhile, I’d love to see the vet go all flashback and either beat the crap out of his Mormon lifemate or conversely cry in his arms. Then there is the meathead body builder who seems completely against type and has shown no roid rage or intolerance at all. Previews do show abuse survivor JD breaking a table but come on folks that’s not only predictable but all too real for what we’ve come to expect from The Real World.

First Impressions: Scrubs

Let me preface this post by saying I’m a huge Scrubs fan and I’d be happy if the show ran forever. Long time readers will remember I used to run a Saturday Scrubs Fix post while the show was on one of its many hiatus.

That aside, this new season is being set up to be a great and deserving swan song for the underrated sitcom. Resuscitated by ABC, Scrubs has returned with four belly laugh inducing eps this month clearly designed to lay the show to rest. Sure, there’s a new group of young docs running around, but the writers quickly made a point to show viewers that this ain’t Scrubs: TNG. Instead, they’ve used the fresh faces as plot devices to reveal the growth the core characters have experienced lately. In addition, there have been some moments that fans have waited for such as Dr. Kelso and Dr. Cox sharing a few moments of mutual admiration. We’ve also seen JD and Eliot work towards a real relationship while acknowledging their weighty past. It hasn’t been all drama though thanks to classic Scrubs moments such as the overly touch orderly or the drug test patient for head injuries who just shouts, “35!” It has all had the feel of a carefully crafted goodbye and while I’d be hard pressed to poo poo a continuation of the show, it seems like it’s a good time to unplug the ventilator and let the Sacred Heart staff just slip away.

In the meantime here's a non-Saturday Scrubs fix just for good measure.

First Impressions: 24

Four hours in to the 7th day of 24, and I’m cautiously optimistic that the writer’s strike layoff might have cured Jack Bauer and his gang of the malaise that hung over day 6. In the first few eps, Jack has shown some character depth we haven’t seen in ages. The side plots are actually engaging and best of all you’ve had some plot twists that actually make you feel good about the show. I knew there was hope the moment Soul Patch Tony was revealed to be alive although I assumed his resurrection was more gimmick than solution. Turns out that it is both. While Tony’s return has been quickly explained, his contribution to this season has the potential to be huge. The fresh blood introduced this year is interesting so far, except for Jeanine Garafolo’s Chloe clone. I thought there might be more to her weasely FBI agent but unfortunately I’m guessing she’s just Sean Astin-like cannon fodder. Perhaps the best thing is that for the first time in years you feel like Jack has a team he can trust even if it is a rogue group of government watchdogs. Fan favs Chloe and Bill have always made 24 better and I think it helps give the viewers a sense of security. In the end though I expect that security will be ripped from underneath us and twisted into betrayal and that’s what 24 used to do best.

10 Reasons These Were the Second Best Golden Globes Ever

I figured I’d spend my Sunday evening watching 24 and then fast forwarding through the Golden Globes but it turned out that Jack Bauer had to wait for the most part while the surprisingly captivating award ceremony played out. I’d say this was the best Globes ever but the unfortunate tribute to El Hacko, Steven Spielberg, but a bit of a damper on the event. Anyway here are the moments that made the night for me.

10. Tina Fey stepping to Babs in La Crosse.

9. Kate Winslet finally winning not one but two awards in the same night.

8. Tracy Morgan’s acceptance speech for 30 Rock. Take that Cate Blanchett!

7. All the love for 30 Rock! I didn’t forget you Alec!

6. Amy Pohler. Her presence and enthusiasm should be a requirement for all award shows.

5. Colin Ferrell’s’ speech and his snort based humor.

4. Mickey Rourke’s victory, and subsequent acceptance speech.

3. Mickey Rourke almost wiping out on the steps.

2. Heath Ledger’s win for Best Supporting Actor.

1. Ricky Gervais and his comedy bit. Not sure how that all came about, but thank you Globe producers for giving Gill Cates and his Oscar team a taste of what they’ll be missing by giving Wolverine their hosting duties.

I Refuse to Call Them Cheftestants: Week 7

I was very relieved to have been on honeymoon vay-kay when the sixth episode of Top Chef aired. If I had written a blog, I would have been filled with plenty of piss and vinegar over the lack of elimination and the continued poor performance of the chefs. Thankfully, you the reader get to hear a slightly more optimistic review over the seventh episode.

The Quickfire was a good challenge except for the ludicrous Diet Dr Pepper product placement. I suppose I should be happy that it wasn’t a required ingredient. Of course, someone should have told old lady Arianne who fell back into week 1 habits. It just pains me to watch Jamie make continued mistakes as her Quickfire dish was such a poor concept. On the plus side, I thought that Radika did a nice job but her bread pudding seemed so boring. She is clearly getting a false sense of security and after seeing her Elimination Challenge dish, she should realize that.

I was as pleased as the chefs were at the idea of the Elimination Challenge. Finally, we get to see the chefs cook without restraint. Unfortunately, some of the chefs did not get the message. I can’t believe Jamie did scallops again (although this was a great dish) and on the plus side, it gave birth to the top line of the year from Fabio, “It’s Top Chef not Top Scallop.” Melissa’s uninspired taco dish was laughable. The challenge got even better with the addition of the hidden camera and the chefs tasting each other’s foods. Of course, since we’re talking about a fairly disappointing season this challenge couldn’t be perfect. The new judge Toby Young is just a gigantic blowhard. He’s clearly watched too many reality shows as his answers and comments seemed to come from the canned variety. I can’t believe they replaced the weakest judge (Gail) with an even weaker one. Just pony up the dump truck of money and get Anthony fucking Bourdain. I thought Jamie and Arianne really bounced back from the Quickfire and delivered good dishes. I was disappointed that Fabio screwed up his lamb because that dish looked amazing otherwise. The double elimination was also a good sign of improvement on the season. Unfortunately, I was sad to see Eugene go since his lack of training made him fun to root for. Melissa was a slam dunk to go. I’m glad Carla stayed if only for her crazy faces. All in all this episode showed signs of life for a season that has lacked creativity.

What I Watched on my Honeymoon: Bad Girls Club

Oh Joel McHale, how I curse thee! Every week I find myself entertained by your tales on E!’s The Soup as you skewer the lowest of the lows on the boob tube. Often you mock shows that I watch but more often than not you find new lows out there that even I was not aware of. Such was the case when you submitted a number of clips from Oxygen’s Bad Girls Club over the last year.

Featuring reality superstar in the making Tanisha, the second season of this show exploded on the pop culture radar. Weekly visits to The Soup and Best Week Ever made it had to ignore. My partner soon began inquiring what channel this Oxygen was on our TiVo and then it happened, Bad Girls Club marathon. Over the last few weeks we’ve watched the entire second season and caught up on the third and I don’t feel quite as self loathing as I thought I would. The show is essentially The Real World without guys in the house or the pretense that these girls are going to have any personal growth on the air. Such honesty is refreshing these days. In fact, it’s almost exactly like the last Hollywood installment of The Real World since they frequent the same bars. You almost expect the camera crews to run into each other during season 2.

The current season features just about everything you want from a lowest common denominator reality show. The girls are violent, bitchy, drunk, and unbelievably stupid, and I love it. Turns out I owe you a debt of thanks Mr. McHale or at least the TV part of my brain does.

What I Watched on my Honeymoon: Don’t Mess with the Zohan

Don’t see this movie.
Don’t encourage Adam Sandler.
Don’t forget that even though there are a couple of enjoyable cameos, this is a horrible film.
Don’t forgive Sandler for giving Michael Buffer work.
Don’t watch this mentally insulting dilution of the Israeli/Palestinian conflict.
Don’t forget that a much better farce of the issue won an Oscar a few years back and can be found here.
Don’t mess with the Zohan, literally.

What I Watched on my Honeymoon: Role Models

These last few weeks have provided me an opportunity to catch up on some pop culture viewing I’ve missed. Over the next few days I thought I’d share some of the highs and lows of what I’ve seen and absorbed.

The high point (other than hours of Rock Band 2 I played) has to be seeing Role Models at the cheap seats theater. Paul Rudd takes what could easily have been an Adam Sandler schlock vehicle and turns it into a funny ass movie that has no business being that good. Focusing on Rudd and Sean William Scott (note to fans, apparently he did not die in a blender accident in 2006 as Wikipedia reported) as two guys forced to do “big brother” type work to stay out of jail, the film is ripe for easy jokes. Instead, Rudd and his co-writers, including director and State alum, David Wain, make the most of the opportunity by peppering the kids with enough inappropriate humor that it seems real. Kudos to the kid stars for avoiding the “cute” pitfall as you find yourself feeling sorry but never because they’re cute kids. The film clips along at a nice pace and before you know it everyone is pretty happy, you’ve laughed yourself stupid, and you’re out of popcorn.

As an aside, I thought I’d mention one thing about box office, a topic I usually stay clear of. Role Models did exceptionally well for an R rated comedy released in the Fall. It came out just one week after Kevin Smith’s Zack and Miri Make A Porno, which had arguably a better chance to succeed since it stared comedy star of the moment Seth Rogen (although curiously both feature Elizabeth Banks). Here’s a case where a film was just marketed better and took advantage of the positive buzz from critics. Smith has been public about how disappointed he was at his film’s take and while Role Models is also a bit of a better flick, I think he needs look no further than the way Universal distributed the film versus old Harvey and Bob.