Thursday, February 26, 2009

I Refuse to Call them Cheftestants: Finale

A leopard can’t change his spots, or a tiger his stripes, and neither can a lackluster season of Top Chef change from a dismal failure to a success. Last night’s finale was the cherry on top of an excrement sundae as Hosea, a man who won one or two challenges all year long, walked away with the title. Sadly, the judges were almost forced to crown him but I’d argue there an alternative that no one thought of.

One nice thing about the finale is that it followed some of the previous seasons examples by letting the chefs go crazy. Unfortunately, like Richard last year, this opportunity seemed to freeze up two of our three chefs. Twist number one was revealed as the sous chefs arrived. Using the last three runner ups, Richard, Casey and Marcel, was brilliant and gave me hope for an interesting episode. I thought for sure Hosea would think with his penis and go Casey but instead he went for Richard. My ideal pairings would have been Hosea with Casey for the simple fact that she would help him the least, Richard with Carla as I think some of his techniques like smoking would have helped Carla’s type of food, and Marcel with Stefan simply because, as Stefan so eloquently put it, they’re both twats. Once the chefs got into the kitchen it was clear none of them had an immediate plan. I was shocked. If you are cast on Top Chef, you should be thinking before hand and during, of your perfect menu as you should expect that’s what you’ll get to do in the end. Carla immediately suffered from a case of the self-doubts, as she let Casey fill her mind with the same kind of ideas that cost her the title. Meanwhile, Stefan and Marcel had no communication at all. I thought Marcel could have lent some new style to Stefan’s old world cuisine. Hosea and Richard however talked up a storm and Richard, probably the best chef of his season if not for the finale, certainly had a huge influence on creating the flavors that were featured in Hosea’s dishes. The final twist with the appetizer certainly was anticipated, as was Hosea’s childish glee in sticking it to his competitors. I was glad to see all three apps were successful with the judges as it meant they all rose to the occasion. Sadly, after that we got three meals that were either uninspired, half-assed, or simply incomplete.

I would argue that none of these chefs deserved the title of Top Chef. If Bravo really wanted to shake things up they could have let these guys go home without a title or better yet forced them into a redo. Hosea clearly had the most consistent dishes but they lacked any sizzle. His app was probably the most inspired dish but everything else reeked of been there done that. Scallop and foie gras, ooh how daring. I’m going to regret this but I agree with Rocco Dispirito, that’s so been done. Meanwhile his venison dish looked great but it’s nothing I haven’t seen and eaten many times at restaurants here in the Midwest. Stefan continued his late season slide by playing it safe. Again, his app seemed to be the high note while his squab certainly did the best job of showing his style to the judges. Neither Hosea nor Carla established that in their meals. Alas, Stefan’s first and last courses were tremendous failures. I’m sure Marcel could have suggested a technique other than freezing for the fish Carpaccio and the dessert did look like something out of the 80’s and was rather uninspired. Then of course, there was Carla our surprising favorite. Not only did she let Casey dictate her menu but she also lost control of her kitchen. I screamed no when she agreed to cook her steaks in bags and even louder when she chose to do a soufflé. That just isn’t Carla. Her sauces and flavors are her bread and butter and they got lost here. I think my biggest disappointment though is in the judges. They all seemed to accept the mediocrity of the chefs. Perhaps they were just as tired as we were of this season. I thought Tom and certainly, that prick Toby had higher standards than that. Truly none of these chefs were tops last night. Carla and Stefan certainly deserved it more on a season basis but even than I struggle to but them in a class with Stefanie, Hung, Harold and even Ilan. Bring on Top Chef Masters….now! I’ve got to wash this season out of my muoth and the Santa Margarita pinot grigio is just not cutting it.

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