Dueling Idiots: Week 4

This week, the contestants on MTV’s Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Duel 2 took their level of social dysfunction to a new level both in the game and in the boudoir.

First of all there was the level of denial about their own motivations. Fresh off his come from behind win from last week Evan (Fresh Meat) continued to be stunned as to why he was targeted. Certainly it had nothing to do with his bragging and posturing? Best line of the night came later in the show when Evan admitted that maybe his problem is that he doesn’t understand anything. So true Evan, so true. Meanwhile the self proclaimed good guy Nehemiah (RW: Austin) continued the efforts of his dismissed dragon slaying buddy Davis (RW: Denver) by targeting some of the vets at the popular table with the oh so powerful motivational message of the day. Really Nehemiah, that’s your secret weapon? Let’s forget for a moment that you threw your alliance buddy Davis under the bus last week and just call you for flagrant douche-baggery on this one. If you want to get under these guys skin you’ve got to call them out in a drunken rage or beat the crap out of them in a drunken rage. Motivational sayings are just lame on the confrontation scale. Then again you could also call them out in The Duel but more on that later.

The other level of dysfunction this week came on the personal level as Jen (RW: Denver) and Rachel (RR: Campus Crawl) rekindled their friendship…with benefits. Half the episode was spent with the two facing off about their past relationship on The Island and their subsequent break up. Truthfully I’m not sure if you can call a relationship forged in the bacteria playground that is a Challenge a relationship but whatever works. Anyway, after spraining her shoulder Jen comes to realize the only way to heal her body is to heal the wounds with Rachel who apparently has also flipped 180 degrees and is ready for some mutual deep tissue massage. Does anyone stick to their positions anymore?

The challenge this week was certainly the least confrontational so not too many emotions spilled out except a lot of laughing due to the enormous literal heads these egomaniacs with figurative large heads had to wear. Nice touch producers! Landon (RW: Philly) and Brittney (RW: Hollywood) took first yet again and continued their relatively stress free picking order. Predictably Nehemiah was left last and the guy manned up and went after Evan who continued to be confused. Jen was left last on the girls side partly due to her shoulder and due to the fact that she’s on the outs with the in crowd (at least prior to the deep muscle massage). Unfortunately Jen wussed out and picked one of my favs Katie (RR: The Quest) instead of targeting one of the in-crowd. Jen was quick to say to Katie that she picked her because they’d have “fun” in The Duel but clearly it was a size advantage that Jen quickly used to send Katie home. Katie though had one final moment in the sun though as she just left without saying goodbye. That’s my girl! On the guys side Nehemiah followed the Davis formula and shot out to a quick lead on Evan only to choke it away in the final moments. Evan celebrated by trashing Nehemiah’s stuff and shouting out declarations about his abilities. Geez Evan, why does everyone target you?

Top Ten Most Anticipated Summer Movies: 6 and 5

6. Public Enemies (July 1)
This doesn’t really feel like typical summer fare. In fact I’d say with a pedigree of director Michael Mann, Johnny Depp and Christian Bale, this sounds like an Oscar season release. Still the idea of Mann doing what he does best, the crime film, with two of the finest working actors screams must-see no matter what the season. Much like Mann’s classic Heat, the two leads don’t share much screen time but rather tell parallel versions of the same tale of master heist man John Dillinger and the FBI’s hunt to get America’s most wanted. As an added bonus to my interest the film was shot around the Midwest including nearby Columbus Wisconsin.


5. Up (June 29)
I’m a Pixar whore. I love pretty much anything they’ve put on screen with the exceptions of Finding Nemo and Monsters Inc. So imagine my worry last year when I learned that Wall-E was helmed by the Nemo director. Of course that faded after seeing the best picture of 2008. Now I have equal fears about Up as it is helmed by the Monsters Inc. director. Here’s hoping the tale of a grumpy old man who flies his house on a final safari adventure defies expectations like every other Pixar flick. One thing’s for certain I’m sure the bar will be raised visually once again especially in light of the 3D aspect.

Top Ten Most Anticipated Summer Movies: 8 and 7

8. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (June 24)
Not sure how this managed to make my top 10. I mean we all know this is going to be a train wreck featuring over the top acting, special effects that are so kinetic you can’t even see the action, enough editing cuts to make 10 Kevin Smith films, and a plot so full of holes you’ll be longing for The Phantom Menace. Yet I’m strangely intrigued. The first Transformers was Michael Bay on 8 as the director threw almost everything in his tired bag at the audience and it actually kind of worked. While I only saw the film once I have to admit it wasn’t terrible. Sure I laughed at many of the inadequacies but I was also pretty damn well entertained. I expect Bay to unleash a whole new batch of crazy and excess on this film so I’m hoping that the level of entertainment will rise although I’m not sure if I can draw that corollary.



7. Land of the Lost (June 5)
There is no reason this movie should have been made. The classic 70’s Saturday morning show about a family who falls down a waterfall into a pseudo-prehistoric word was kitsch at its finest. Who didn’t love the slow as molasses yet somehow scary Sleestaks or the idiotic yet lovable hairy ape boy Chaka? This new big screen version has updated some of the details of the journey but has kept many of the set pieces the same which is encouraging. Plus the cast of Will Ferrell, Danny McBride and Pushing Daisies ingénue Anna Friel also peaks my interest. While I don’t understand why the pic got made it speaks to my childhood in the same way Transformers does.

Eyebrows and Pitstops: Week 10

I should change the name of this column to “People I Don’t Want to See Win The Amazing Race.” One week after settling on cheering for Jen and Kisha, the sisters went negative this week and have left me with 3 out of 4 teams of ugly Americans. We had our first severe weather warnings of the spring so the overzealous weather folks cut into about half of the episode so bear with me if I omit a few details.

Clearly the whole Luke/Margie and Jen/Kisha beef was not squashed during the rest at the Pit Stop. Both teams made it very clear they’d be happy to see the other team go home. Margie and Luke continued to suffer from a case of bitchassness as they whined the whole episode. Meanwhile Jen and Kisha seemed to take the high road but then took a detour into stereotype village as they derided the Chinese citizens they encountered. They pulled out the old, “why can’t they just say I no speakee the English” and the ever-loving “they all look the same.” Really girls? Just when I started pulling for you.

The Road Block in Beijing was certainly fun to watch as all these teams were brought to tears. It was particularly fulfilling to watch so-called cheerleader Cara get her feet pummeled by the Chinese masseuse. Meanwhile Tammy and Victor realized what we viewers realized last week that just because you speak the language doesn’t mean your cab driver will know where he’s going. It certainly looked like a tight race as all the teams left that massage parlor about the same time.

The Detour on this leg proved to be the most difficult set of options yet. Victor and Tammy inexplicably stuck with the synchronized diving option which seemed damn near impossible especially with the stingy judges. Jamie and Cara and Margie and Luke wisely chose the swimming option which while tiring seemed the simplest. Those two were unfortunately out the door quickly while Jen and Kisha were paralyzed by Jen’s fear of swimming. My partner who served as a lifeguard said Jen was the kind of person she’d jump into assist and watching Jen bury her head in the water and struggle I can see why. Once Victor and Tammy came to their senses and switched to the swimming it was clear Jen and Kisha were going home.

Of course this all seemed rather anti-climactic. All episode long the fact that next week would be the finale seemed oddly timed to me. After all May sweeps don’t begin until next Sunday and you’d think CBS would want at least two weeks of the Race. As Victor and Tammy struggled with his cramp (best line of the night “Can you do that in the taxi?) there was still no tension or hope that Kisha and Jen would catch up. Of course we then got to Phil’s smiling face and raised eyebrow telling us that this leg wasn’t finished yet. So now we’ve got another week of all four teams trying to out ugly each other and I’m left pulling for Victor and Tammy a team I originally couldn’t stand. All signs of a pretty damn good season.

Top 10 Most Anticipated Summer Movies: 10&9

Welcome all to my annual summer movie preview. While most previews focus on what will make the most money or what the mindless masses will flock too (seriously America, Hancock…WTF?), my focus centers on what gets me juiced enough to forego the sun and run inside to an air conditioned theater. With the expected birth of my offspring this summer I’m not sure what I’ll get to see so I had to put a lot of thought into this one.

10. Year One (June 19)
Like most of you I came down with a severe Jack Black hangover last year. Nacho Libre all but made me swear off the court jester. Then came Tropic Thunder where I was reminded of just how funny this man can be when paired with equally talented folks. Year One has me excited as Black is teamed with Michael Cera and directed by comedy god Harold Ramis. The Super Bowl preview was kinda ho hum but the new one looks better and the pedigree is all there on this one.



9. The Brothers Bloom (May 15)
Director Rian Johnson blew me away with his debut flick Brick back in 2005. Now comes his second picture with a bigger budget and cast. Mark Ruffalo and Adrien Brody star as two con men brothers and Rachel Weiss joins in on the fun. A definite departure in tone for Johnson but not in style. The trailer below shows that his artistry behind the camera continues to grow and this time we get plenty of laughs too.

Dueling Idiots: Week 3

Well after two strong weeks of competition and drama The Real World/Road Rules Challenge –The Duel 2 took a step back this week. Sure there was still plenty of bitching, whining and boozing, but not at the levels we’d seen previously.

The big theme of this episode was the continued fallout from Paula’s (RW: Key West) misstep in the Duel process last week. Evan (Fresh Meat) spent most of the episode trying to repair the “horrible” damage that was caused by his “partner”. All this did was put Evan at risk as the rest of the guys saw him overcompensating and overestimating his value to his alliance. Nehemiah (RW: Austin) and Davis (RW: Denver) create a nice bond early in the episode over the need to break Evan’s hold on the game. Unfortunately this bond was broken hours later, but more on that to come.

This week’s challenge seemed more subdued then the previous two weeks. Basically the game consisted of shaking your competitors off a rope bridge over mud. Nehemiah came close to winning it all but All American Boy Landon (RW: Philly) pulled off the victory. On the girls side, this was all about Ruthie (RW: Hawaii) as she shook, hung, and crawled her way all over the ropes. The deliberation process of Landon and Ruthie was quick and largely without drama which makes me think these two should be in charge all the time.

When it came to the order of choosing though the game took a turn. Evan turned on Paula causing a number of shocked faces. Meanwhile, Nehemiah sent his new buddy Davis into The Duel rather than Dunbar (RW: Sydney) and screwed up their new found alliance. Davis inexplicably and thankfully did not send rookie and Al Jolson fan Isaac (RW: Sydney) and instead stayed true to Nehemiah by going after Evan. The Duel itself was a letdown. Brooke (RW: Denver) sent her crazy ass self home by not putting any effort up against the poster child for “who are you again” Brittney (RW: Hollywood). Davis continued to underwhelm in these challenges by blowing a huge lead to Evan and walking out in shame. I couldn’t help but think that everyone was pulling for Evan to leave which was further evidenced by the fact that Evan spent the rest of the night holed up by himself. Oh what a tangled web we weave…

Eyebrows and Pitstops: Week 9

One reason I’ve always liked The Amazing Race is that it’s one of the few reality completion shows that doesn’t play on the worst parts of the human condition. While I certainly don’t have a problem with those that do (witness my Thursday blog on The Duel), I’ve appreciated that the Race keeps it clean. However, I’d be lying if I hadn’t spent the last week salivating at the advertised throw down between sisters Jen and Kisha and mom/son team Margie and Luke.

The great marketing minds at CBS certainly played up the confrontation from the get go and it’s a damn good thing because otherwise this could have been the most forgettable episode of Amazing Race since the family edition. Mark and Michael started so far behind the rest of the teams that you knew before the show started that they’d be eliminated. Kudos should go to the guys for not walking through this leg in a morose fog and instead enjoying their journey to the fullest. So with their departure a preconceived notion, the only real drama was the slotting of the other teams and of course the much hyped altercation.

As we wind down on the season this certainly appears to be one of the most competitive final four we’ve had in a while. The self proclaimed ex-cheerleaders continue to be my most hated team and if not for the four hour deficit of Mark and Michael were clearly in the most danger this week. This week we were presented with further proof that Jaime and Cara are not really ex-cheerleaders as they couldn’t dance their way out of a detour. Meanwhile Victor and Tammy excelled with their use of the native language but found that it didn’t give them as big of a time advantage as they thought it would. In the end they finished in a pack with Kisha and Jen and Margie and Luke.

So that finally brings us to the two fighting teams. After reviewing the incidents over and over again thanks to the multiple replays in the episode it does appear that Luke is a bitch. In incident number one Jen and Luke did arrive at about the same time to the clue box and Luke damn near elbowed her in the face. On the second incident Luke was clearly the aggressor as he nearly shoved Jen to the ground. Now I’m willing to give the kid the benefit of the doubt on the first incident but on the second he clearly was up for some physical shoving. Luke’s bitchness though was nothing compared to the bitchassery his mother displayed at the pit stop. When she pulled out the old “you’re black you should know how oppression feels” card on Jen and Kisha I thought things were going to get a lot worse but thankfully the sisters stood back and smiled. Speaking of smiling I also get Kisha’s reaction to Luke’s attack. I often will smile or laugh at someone when they’re attacking me as a way to diffuse the situation. Sometimes it works and sometimes it unleashes attack mothers or in my case gets me choked.

In the end the fight was a lot of posturing and preaching and a fun distraction to an otherwise boring episode. Stay classy Amazing Race.

Dueling Idiots: Week 2

One of the great joys in finding my life partner has been corrupting them with all the TV I consume. Never has this feeling been greater than last night as I watched them struggle to understand the behavior of the contestants on MTV’s Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Duel II. I tried to explain that logic does not fuel these people but rather a steady diet of Corona, muscle relaxants, and a desperate desire for pseudo fame, but that did not ease their frustration. Once again though I’m getting ahead of myself as the episode started out simply enough with a massive Duel beat down.

When last we left, Aneesa (RW: Chicago) had been called out by rookie Shauvon (RW: Sydney) in the first ladies Duel. Apparently Shauvon’s blood only runs to her massive bosom and not to her brain as Aneesa is one of the strongest competitors and she loves to kill bitches dead. Well Shauvon probably realized her mistake as Aneesa hammered her face with a metal hook over and over again. Greatest Real World cast member ever, and apparent Ted Danson fan, Isaac (RW:Sydney) called it a chick fight but I think in fairness only Shauvon was fighting like a “chick”, as Aneesa was a goddamn warrior. On a side note I know they don’t but these shows on DVD, but if MTV could get Isaac to record commentary for every episode, I’d plop down $50 in a heartbeat. Anyway Shauvon was sent packing and got no love from cast mates thanks to the fact that she got much love from CT (RW: Paris) on the roof last week. See you Shauvon, please come back to another Challenge soon as you certainly helped create some of the most entertaining Challenge moments in years.

This week’s main challenge was a little less physical than last week’s rugby ep. Girl/guy teams playing human curling was a nice idea though and it seemed to give everyone a chance to win. AARP member Mark (RR: 1) took the top spot with Rachel (RR: Campus Crawl) in a very competitive overtime period against Landon (RW: Philly) and Brittini (RW: Hollywood). Nice to see Landon help a rookie out even though they did not win. Their performance pretty much guaranteed that Brittini would not be sent to the Duel. I assumed then that her fellow Hollywood cast member and ignorant racist Kimberly would then go in to the Duel and I was proven right all be it in a convoluted way.

You see, it’s only two weeks into this season and the idiots have already made this game far too complicated. Puppet masters Evan (Fresh Meat) and Paula (RW: Key West) stirred everyone up into thinking how exactly the process had to go to ensure the right people remain to go into the Duel. It seems simple but after a good 15 minutes of air time, which translates to about 8 hours real time, the contestants were awash in their stupidity and this is where my partner was literally yelling at the TV. Paula made a false step which ended up with MJ (RW: Philly) in the Duel as opposed to rookie Isaac and veteran Robin (RW: San Diego) instead of Kimberly. Robin corrected this mistake by choosing to take on Kimberly while MJ picked the weakest kid in the sandbox Ryan (Fresh Meat) who went into his second Duel in a row. MJ made short work of Ryan but Kimberly got a challenge that clearly favored her over the top heavy Robin and sent the paranoid vet packing. While I’m sad to see the psycho go, I’m pleased we get more Kim who will certainly say some obnoxious things and eventually get her ass beat by Aneesa or another vet in a more physical challenge. Meanwhile the ridiculous alliances continued to fall apart and Paula seems to be on the outside looking in. All in all another strong week.

First Impressions: College Life

MTV has premiered its latest reality opus, College Life, and unless you can identify the difference between a Witte dorm room and a Sellery dorm room the show looks to be a complete waste of time, even by MTV standards. As University of Wisconsin-Madison alumni, the show offers me and my partner a great look down memory lane as the show follows four freshmen struggling through their first year at UW. In my living room last night most of the comments on the show were along the lines of: “I forgot how many people you could fit into a dorm room”, “I think my friend lived in that apartment”, and “I puked next to that house.”

However, if you’re not one who bleeds cardinal and white, then I must recommend you pass on this show. The four freshmen film themselves so the show does lack the scripted gloss of The Hills. Unfortunately these four could use some gloss and glamour as they’re just plain boring. Jordan, a Jamicanadian, comes from an Illinois suburb and doesn’t go for the crowd mentality of college. Alex is the smart girl from Texas who struggles with men issues. Andrea is the good girl who doesn’t drink and won’t give it up and Kevin is the party animal already hosting keggers in his room. They’re all just so cookie cutter that it almost seems fake and while the self shot approach is a nice idea, the first episode featured far too much action off screen with the cast member either shutting off their cameras or being asked too. If you follow Bucky then I recommend you keep watching if only to play the “name that place game”, but I might also recommend muting the TV so you’re not bothered by the so called drama.

Eyebrows and Pitstops: Week 8

It’s been two weeks since we’ve had an episode of The Amazing Race, yet my pain over the loss of Mike and Mel still stings. The show just seems darker without the father and son pair on it. Last night we got a little uglier thanks to the former “cheerleaders” (is anyone else expecting these two to pop up in Hustler post race?), and a lot stupider thanks to Michael and Mark and their inability to follow instructions. In the end I was just left screaming “why Phil why” at my TV.

Staying in Thailand for a second week was perhaps a sign of the economy as the producers wanted to milk the most out of one country. This season continues to be an improvement over the last if only for the continued lack of airport scenes. It was clear all the teams would be travelling to Bangkok together so I appreciated that the producers did not attempt to create any false tension. Once they arrived I thought the Road Block was relatively easy but boy was I wrong. While the task itself was finished quickly the instructions threw nearly all the teams for a loop, and two teams left all their bags behind as they moved on. From this point on you knew it was a two team race to the bottom. Jen and Kisha made the bonehead move of finishing the leg and then doubling back to collect their gear. How they thought Phil would check them in without passports is beyond me. Of course when you’re racing against Mark and Michael you can always have hope. While the brothers stuntmen went back for the bags right away, they mismanaged their money to the point where they had to barter gear for rides. By the time they arrived to the mat, they had amassed two 2-hour penalties for obtaining rides by trading their personal belongings. Jen and Kisha soon arrived a second time and were safe for another week. Then came the news I knew was coming all episode long, this was not an elimination leg. Mark and Michael are safe and while they have the deepest hole of the season, I wouldn’t count them completely out. In that moment though I just thought of Mel and Mike and wished they could have held on for one more week.

Next week it looks like we’ve got Duel II type drama as there is a bitchfest between dainty Luke (just put your hands in their god damn mouths) and Jen.

First Impressions: Parks and Recreation

When I heard the folks behind the US version of The Office had recruited Amy Pohler for their non-spin-off I was ecstatic. As much as I loved the lady on SNL, it was time for her to take the next step in her career and follow the Jane Curtains and Tina Feys of the world. The addition of Human Giant vet and short lived Scrubs standout, Aziz Ansari, and Rashida Jones, from the Stamford branch of Dunder Mifflin, got me even giddier. Sadly my excitement was not reciprocated by the folks behind their new show, Parks and Recreation. The first episode seemed like TV on dope, as every thing moved so slow. I was waiting for one of the characters to tell me how amazing the human hand is. It was one of the most tedious half hours of my recent TV life, but it’s not all bad news. The talent is still all there. Jones in particular shone brightly. Pohler seems desperate not to be a Michael Scott copy and just needs to try a little less. Ansari needs his character to flushed out a little more and you know what, I think that will happen. Remember folks this is just a pilot and while the first episode was borderline horrible I think we can all remember how uncomfortable the first meeting between Liz and Jack was on 30 Rock or more recently, the jaw droppingly slow start of the now kickass Dollhouse. So keep hope alive and let’s see if Leslie Knope follows Larry B’s advice sinks that shot.

Dueling Idiots: Week 1

Daring to flaunt the very ideals of reason and logic I am embarking on a journey over the next several weeks to cover the drunken, backstabbing ways of MTV’s Real World/Road Rules Challenge-The Duel 2. Some might call me crazy for attempting to write a weekly column on a show that dares us to turn it off, yet I call myself lazy, for The Duel II offers me something on a weekly basis that other shows don’t…fresh material full of jackassery. Yes last night’s premiere certainly rewarded us all with plenty of booze induced drama, and to think, that was just the start.

After experimenting with last year’s Island format, the producers have returned to standard challenge operating procedure. Set in beautiful New Zealand the cast members are nestled in a sweet house that could very well be down the street from Bag’s End. Multiple sex rooms are included throughout the house including the requisite hot tub which Davis (RW: Denver) and Ryan (Fresh Meat) waste no time in breaking in along with super crazy herself, Brooke (RW: Denver). Of course who needs a tub or a room when you have a roof? Violently dashing drunkard CT (RW: Paris) and the breasts of Shauvon (RW: Sydney) escaped to the roof for a little nasty that of course led to much drama.

For as many years as this show has been around, you’d think that the cast members would learn not to take these hook ups too seriously. With the exception of Sean (RW: Boston) and Rachel (RW: San Fran) these don’t usually end up with long term success. Here we had CT spreading his wings and Shauvon’s legs while the supposed love of his life, Diem (Fresh Meat) stayed under the same sex having roof. Of course Diem was terribly hurt by this after learning the truth from Hall of Famer Katie (RR: The Quest) and Adam (RW: Paris). Then Adam was terribly hurt by CT’s fists. Once again our favorite bad boy went home before the first challenge thanks to his drunken temper and this time he took Adam down with him.

If you thought that would be the end of the drama then you best check yourself as there are plenty of good storylines this season. Apparently not learning from CT and Diem, Brad (RW: San Diego) and Tori (RR: Viewers Revenge) have shown up engaged. The oldest man alive, Mark from the very first Road Rules, has come out of retirement desperate for cash and attention. Issac (RW: Sydney) perhaps the greatest cast member ever is in the house to spit truth. Throw in the rest of the crazies and the fact that it’s every person for themselves and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. Oh yeah, and the challenges themselves look pretty sweet. Rugby in week one followed by a duel featuring a challenge where you have to hang someone from a hook. Consider me hooked too.

The Hills Are Alive and Going Strong

I’ve used the whole Sound of Music gimmick multiple times over the years in describing MTV’s The Hills. However as I write this today, I realize this might be one of the final times I get to beat this dead, dead horse. With star Lauren “LC” Conrad announcing she’s leaving the show and vacant eyed costar Audrina Patridge leaving for her own show, The Hills as we know it began its final season last night. Despite the excess in which the show has been covered and promoted over the years, I actually found myself a bit sad last night. Perhaps it was the fact that the season premiere had more drama in one hour than the entire last season. LC and best frenemy Heidi Montag came together again to hash out why they can’t be friends. Their teary eyed conversation was acted so well, my partner actually said she felt emotions for the two blondes. Meanwhile, the son of Satan, Spencer Pratt hit on waitresses and beat the crap out of one of the red shirt ex-boyfriends of his she devil sister Stephanie. Heidi and Spencer then embarked on their annual spat where one leaves and the other will eventually have to follow. It is a sad that they couldn’t come up with a different locale. We’ve already seen the Colorado version of this story and the Vegas one. Throw in little moments like crazy ass Stephanie Pratt having a moment of clarity long enough to dress down Spencer and plenty of Lo action and you’ve got a winning premiere. The biggest drama though had to be the disappearance of Spencer’s flesh colored beard. Thank god the previews seem to hint at its return. Eleven more episodes and then The Hills as we know it will fade away. Enjoy it folks and remember that even if it’s been scripted, sometimes poorly, The Hills has been an event that defines our self loathing love affair with pop culture. You hate to love it, but you also love to hate it.

Quick Restaurant Review: Flattop Grill

A few weeks ago, I expressed my displeasure with DIY dinning at Hu Hot Mongolian BBQ. Well call me a hypocrite because I must admit I had a very enjoyable time at the similarly constructed Flattop Grill. Once again, the idea remains the same as diners construct bowls of ingredients (veggies, noodles, meats, sauces) that the grill operators cook for you. The big difference between the two is quality. The veggies, meats, and sauces at Flattop are all vastly superior to Hu Hot. The biggest difference lies in the fact that everything is fresh, not frozen. In addition, the selection of veggies is about quality versus quantity. The sauces are not one-note exercises but rather have layers of flavor. I also appreciated the add-ons such as fry bread, egg, and shrimp skewers. The chefs themselves also seem to take more care. While Hu Hot is certainly a faster proposition, I appreciate the time the chefs take at Flattop as the food comes out cooked much more evenly. Displaying the nutrition information on the wall for all the sauces is also a nice touch for those of us watching our diets. I would even go so far as to say the atmosphere is much more enjoyable. While I was there for a Sunday lunch the place was still crowded yet the open airy space felt less like the cattle call that was Hu Hot. Don’t get me wrong I’d still rather have someone else prepare my food for me when dining out but if you’re looking for a DIY experience choose the quality over the quantity and try Flattop.

Flattop Grill, 538 N. Midvale Blvd. Madison, WI 608-236-0500

Madsion Restaurant Review: Samba

Meat on swords? That’s the common refrain heard when discussing Samba Brazilian Grill. While surely I’d be remiss in not covering the style of service, there is so much more to one of Madison’s newest and brightest restaurants. When Samba opened last year to much fanfare, I must admit I was a bit reticent about dining there. After all I’m not usually one for a “dining experience”, I want good food, skillfully cooked. Thankfully in the case of Samba one is not mutually exclusive of the other.

This was my first time to a South American steak house so there was a bit of a learning curve. After we were seated our server came over and gave us the 411. We were invited to start at the first course station at any time where we could indulge in a number of salads, veggies, and spreads. Thankfully she advised us to choose carefully so we did not fill up. She further instructed us to turn over our meat pillar from red to green once we were ready for the meat course. The meat course is compiled of a number of servers, or gauchos, coming to your table with skewers or swords full of different types of meat. As long as your pillar is green, the gauchos keep coming. I’m not a big fan of theatrical dining and thankfully the delivery of the meats is not quite as dramatic as it sounds. The gauchos do have cute hats though.

Delivery methods aside, the real question is how is the food? Quick answer, quality and variety best sum it up. The first course station has a couple of forgettable green salads but it excels when you probe some of the deeper choices. The potato salad was one of the best I’ve had and the sweet potato dish was equally appealing. The Spanish cheeses were also appreciated as was the roasted garlic spread that went nicely with cheese puffed rolls on our table. I also found the roasted vegetables in crème fraiche to be a solid choice. All the cold choices rotate on a regular basis but I’m certainly encouraged that there would always be some choices of a high quality. In addition to the cold dishes there are also two sides for your meat. The first was garlic whipped mashed potatoes which were probably the most disappointing item I sampled all night. I could not detect the garlic and the potatoes were a bit lumpy for my taste. The other choice was their black beans and these were a home run. The beans were firm and full of flavor including a subtle kick at the end.

However, as good as many of the sides were, the variety and quality pale in comparison to the main courses. I must admit I was hesitant when the first gaucho strode up with his leg of lamb. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to fill up on something until I knew all the choices (usually there are around eight). In retrospect, I should have jumped on it right away. The servers do a wonderful job in portioning out small amounts of the meat so that you could go through all the choices multiple times. I was a big fan of the duck beast which was rich and tender like the finest beef. The top sirloin was heavy on the garlic and charred to perfection. I was lucky enough to get an end sliced off which was simply grilled meat at its best. The beef tenderloin was also done nicely if it a bit simpler. The chimichurri sauce available at the first course station was a nice accompaniment. The flank steak was the lone meat disappointment thanks to a flavorless marinade and the fact that it was overcooked. The jerk pork tenderloin quickly got the meal back on track as did the linguica sausages. The soft pork sausages were my partner’s favorite meat of the night. The only meat we skipped all night was the chicken as frankly it just seemed too boring. Despite the large amounts of protein we consumed, we still found room to sample the flan with berries. One of the better flans I’ve had in Madison, Samba nails the proper texture. Other deserts looked equally inviting but perhaps too heavy to follow the meal we’d just had.

Located in the Women’s Club building off of State Street, Samba creates an impression upon arrival. The rich dark tones of the restaurant are supplemented by touches of vibrant color. The open dining room and bar are not overwhelmed by noise thanks to the high ceilings despite the large space. Situated on one side of the room is the massive first course station and to the other is the constantly fired up grill, both of which are appealing focal points.

Service has to be high at a place like Samba and this crew excels. While our waitress had little to do other than pass on instructions and bring us our drinks, she did both very well as we navigated the dinner service like pros. Little touches like fresh dessert spoons and hanging our napkins on our chairs while we were at the first course station were appreciated. I also thought that it was a nice touch to have one of the grill operators stop over to inquire about which meats we’d like to try more of after our first round. Throw in an excellent host staff and a rare downtown parking lot, and you’ve got a winning experience.

Samba Brazilian Grill, 240 West Gilman Street, Madison, WI 608-257-1111