While I’m preparing my year end top 10 lists and to honor the birth of our lord and savior Santa Claus, I thought I’d whip up a list of my top visual aids during the holiday season.
10. Santa vs. The Snowman- Does anyone out there remember this special? The year had to be 1996 or 97 when this CG animated special aired. It featured an all out war between Santa and the snowmen that was violent and funny as hell. Unfortunately every Christmas since then I’ve not been able to find it in the ol’ TV guide. From what I remember (I believe there was much alcohol involved the first time I saw it) the special was not really appropriate for kids so maybe that’s why it got the heave ho but then again a couple years ago I saw that it was showing in some IMAX theaters around the country. If I could see it just one more time then it might move all the way to the top of the list or drop off completely if I’m remembering it all wrong.
9. Star Wars Holiday Special- Here was another special that for many years I thought I imagined from a drug induced haze. Of course I was 7 or 8 when it aired so I don’t think I can blame it on drugs. It wasn’t until I got to college that I met other people who shared my vivid yet confused memories of a Star Wars show that took place between A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back featuring all of the original cast and a cartoon introducing Bobba Fett. Turns out George Lucas was absolutely disgusted with the special and forced Fox to only air it the one time. Eventually I was able to track down a dubbed copy from my local geek emporium and relive the experience. What I found was that George was right. This special is so bad that a drug induced haze is probably the only way you can make it through the entire thing. The first 10 minutes introduces Chewbacca’s family preparing for his return home to celebrate Life Day and consists only of growling and exaggerated gestures. It only gets better from there as Chewy’s dad has virtual sex with Dianne Carroll, his son Lumpy beats off to an early rendition of Cirque De Solei, and to top it off Carrie Fisher sings. I’ve seen parts pop up on YouTube once in a while so check it out; just make sure you have your drug of choice handy.
8. Elf- One of the true new modern classics. Will Ferrell is at his comedic best playing up the wide eyed Buddy. James Caan, Zoey Deschanel, and Mary Steenbergen all put in quality efforts. My only gripe is that they rip off the miracle ending of my number 2 film.
7. Bad Santa- The ultimate anti Christmas movie. It pretty much takes everything that people hold dear about the holidays and flushes them down the crapper. Billy Bob shines as the drunk would be grinch. Plus anytime I get to see Lauren Graham whore it up a little I get all tingly inside.
6. It’s a Wonderful Life- This used to be higher on my list but I think I’m just over it now. There have been too many parodies, remakes, and tributes for me at this point to not look at this classic with a cynical eye. That’s not to say that I don’t watch it every year it just doesn’t quite hit me the same way. By the way, The OC did a phenomenal take on the whole thing last week which was both funny and moving.
5. Miracle on 34th Street - There’s only one Miracle on 34th Street and it’s the original shown in black and fucking white. I don’t want to see any remakes or colorized versions in front of me or I will absolutely lose my mind. Little Natalie Wood gives one of the best performances by a little kid ever and I’ll be damned if I don’t start cheering every time those bailiffs start dumping the mail on the desk of the judge.
4. A Charlie Brown Christmas- The music, the dancing, the tree. These are just 3 of the things that you will remember for the rest of your life after watching A Charlie Brown Christmas for the first time. Truly a timeless special that never feels out of date.
3. A Christmas Story- I love this movie and yes I’m old enough to remember seeing it in the theater the year it came out. While most of the things on this list predate me this movie belongs to my generation. There’s nothing better then flipping by TBS (or is it TNT) on Christmas Eve when they begin their 24 hour marathon of the flick.
2. A Very Brady Christmas- Every year I watch this and every year I groan at the horrible jokes, the bad hair and the cheesy solutions to everyone’s problems and I love it. I’m a bit of a Brady nut and every time we get to that final scene where Carol and co literally sing Mike out of that cave in, I shed a tear or two. Also, and I’m not kidding you, every time I watch it I discover something new (not good necessarily but new).
1. White Christmas- Growing up, I was always criticized by my folks for loving this movie. “Holiday Inn is the classic and if you want to hear White Christmas that’s the movie to watch. The other movie was just a cheap way to cash in on the success of the song,” they’d always say. Well I’m sorry there’s just something about this film. Every time I watch it I’m fascinated by Vera Ellen’s abnormally tiny waist, I laugh at Danny Kaye and when the troops surprise the General, I cry gutters full of tears. It might not be recognized as “the true classic” but for my money this is the only film to hear White Christmas in.
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