I hate this

Last night I wrote about my initial reaction to the death of WWE wrestler Chris Benoit, his wife Nancy and their son Daniel. I used words like best and favorite, and I was not alone. After writing that column I settled in to watch a 3 hour tribute to Benoit on WWE Monday Night Raw. Wrestler after wrestler appeared and talked about how Chris was the greatest performer in the ring and the most moral and honest man outside of it. I cried, I drank, I even called my mother just to tell her I love her because some guy that usually wears a crown at ringside told me it would be a good idea. Then the show was over and I went back online and my worst fears were realized. When a whole family is found dead in a house in this day and age you expect the worst and from all reports the worst is what happened. It appears a guy who was the closest thing I had to a hero in the world of pro wrestling killed his 7 year old son, his wife and then himself in the span of 3 days. How the fuck does that make any sense what so ever? This is so confusing on so many levels. Why do I care about a guy who plays a fake sport? How can I feel this way when someone close to me is going through a real life tragedy involving brain tumors and hospitals? Was Benoit a horrible person or was he mentally ill? How can a guy who took such good care of other people not take care of himself and his family? As I write this WWE has taken down all the tribute videos that the wrestlers gave on Raw last night and its rumored they’re going back to regular programming for their Tuesday and Friday night TV shows. I guess you don’t want to pay tribute to a murdering coward which I get but I also don’t know how the people who last night seemed to know Chris so well and in such a good light will be able to lace up the boots, don the tights, and step in the ring without collapsing in grief and confusion. I’m having a hard time typing; I can’t imagine how those guys are going to be able to safely work in the ring together. Hopefully tomorrow we can get back to nonsense like Kelly Clarkson’s new album, drunken hotel heiresses and the wholly engrossing crap hole that is the world of entertainment but right now I'm just lost in a world of suckity suck suck suck.