Early Returns…TV Not Elections

As the media decides for us that the Presidential races are over based on the hicks in Iowa and the inbred elite of New Hampshire, I thought it was high time I give instant thumbs up and down to some returns and retreads that have graced our screen in the last week.

Late Night Shows: Let me preface this by saying I’m not a huge network late guy. If I’m up past 11pm it’s usually to catch up on TiVo recorded earlier in the night. I do enjoy the Conan though so last week I tuned in to see his return and you know what it was pretty damn alright. While the lack of writers will grow old fast, Conan’s natural charm and self defacing sense of humor should carry the show much further then any other. I watched a few minutes of both Leno and Kimmel last week and while the shows are usually pretty horrible they seemed to be drained of any fun whatsoever. The lack of guests will be the real trial for these shows though as the Screen Actor’s Guild is boycotting all shows except for Letterman and Ferguson. I just don’t know how many times I can Howie Mandel on someone’s couch. Oh and make sure to keep your TVs off Thursday night when Leno and Kimmel are guests on each other’s shows, the comedy black hole that will be created is dangerous for mortals to see or hear.

Daily Show/Colbert Report: After one night of being back Stewart and Colbert once again formed the two sides of the black and white cookie. First Jon Stewart came out and gave a morose, angry show where he came off as clearly not wanting to be there. I don’t blame him for that and I’m sure he’d rather be out picketing. Hopefully he can put on some kind of false bravado or the show could suffer to the point that returning writers won’t be able to help. Colbert on the other hand still had his fake face on and gave a great show that was almost up to par. The secret to both these shows surviving the strike is to rely on call backs to the past and Colbert did so in a highly entertaining and appropriate way. Both shows will struggle with getting celebrity guests (like Kimmel, Conan, and Leno) but I’m guessing many of the politicos and scholars will treat the shows like the CNNs of the world. Tonight I’m guessing the focus of the shows will shift off the strike and on to Indecision 08 which will means we’ll have a better litmus test for the quality of each show, but after one night it looks like Colbert is back and Stewart should have stayed home.

American Gladiators: Did you see the ratings for this crap? After two nights Gladiator is looking like a decent hit for NBC which is too bad because the show S-U-C-K-S! I really was willing to give this new version a chance but the producers seem to have everything backwards. There was a huge cheese factor to the original competition back in the 80’s and 90’s from the painted in bleachers to the Gladiator names but the competition itself was always presented pretty straightforward. The new version flips that and the show suffers. Not only do the Gladiators have crazy names they now talk…a lot…and in terms best suited for the WWE. Even the contestants seem to have bad writers feeding them lines about crushing and maiming things. The events are still pretty cool and I like the inclusion of all the pyro and water but between the bland event announcer and the over the top rants of Leila Ali and Hulk Hogan, any reality or authenticity in terms of the actual contests goes out the window.

Celebrity Apprentice: I’ll be damned if the first ep of this dreaded show was actually pretty damn watchable. I found myself getting more and more into it as the hour progressed and when the washed up reality star, supermodel, and Playboy bunny went before Trump at the end I was glued to the set. Half the fun of any “celebrity” reality show is to watch these folks make assess of themselves and between Gene Simmons, the godly Baldwin, nameless English guy, and the entire woman’s team there looks to be a lot of ass making in the offing. Surprisingly I think I’ll be there to watch…at least for another week.