My Real World Awards

Wednesday night at 9pm CST, MTV is airing an “awards show” honoring the greatest cast members and moments of the previous 19 seasons worth of The Real World. In truth this sounds like little more then a chance for the network to plug the new season starting on 4/16 originating from Hollywood. The idea has merit though so here are my version of the Real World Awards.

Best Crib: We’ve come a long way from the loft in New York’s season 1. Today’s house is pimped out to ridiculous extremes. Hot tubs and pool tables have become the norm while the houses have begun to adapt more to their location. Following that logic I’m giving the Best Crib award to the house that resided in the most beautiful location…Key West. Obviously the weather (hurricanes excluded) and water helped boost this location but the inside was super sweet too. The kitchen and living room had the best examples of “Real World” seating I’ve even seen. The trademarked bench look was both functional and visually appealing. Hot tub, pool, and seclusion put this house over the top.

Worst Crib: While New York was a favorite in my mind going in thanks to its rather normal appearance, Miami came on heavy in the end and walks away with this one. Considering the location and the architecture of the area, this house was a big letdown. I believe it did introduce the show to the exciting world of hot tubs but other then that it was drab, poorly laid out, and had too many hiding places where the cameras couldn’t go.

Best Job: The folks from Austin take this one by a hair over the Mystic Tan cast in Key West. While the tanning business was a true job for each of the cast members the task of creating a documentary in the heart of independent film country was challenging and creative. Sure some of the cast wussed out but what else is new. The end product wasn’t great but I love the creativity that went into it. The Seattle radio job was another great example.

Worst Job: Putting these cast members around the public just screams danger. Take the results we’ve seen at the hands of Boston, San Diego, and Denver. However the easy winner here is once again Miami. While the producers must share some of the blame for not giving the cast any direction, it was absolutely painful to see 7 strangers squander the chance to start a new business from scratch. Some cared, others didn’t and there just weren’t any repercussions, a lesson MTV quickly learned.

Biggest Train Wreck Cast: Vegas may have started the modern era of Real World casts but even they have to admit they had nothing on the oversexed, overmedicated, clinically insane bunch from Denver. All the women were absolutely nuts and another similar sounding word. The guys were filled with too much testosterone. They whined, fought, and messed around all season and still found time to belittle the Outward Bound program. Through it all I couldn’t look away.

Most Boring Cast: London takes the cake here edging out Boston. Sure Jacinda has gone on to be a big success and Neil got his tongue bit off but for the most part this was as drab as the London weather.

Best Cast: Gotta go old school and give this to San Francisco, Pedro Zamora brought AIDS to the world of MTV and educated a whole generation. Of course there was plenty of drama too with Puck pissing off…well…everyone. Judd and Pam’s post show romance was the cherry on top to the best and most adult cast (yes, even Puck) in the history of the show.

Craziest Cast Member: You’d think that Collie and Brooke would kind of cancel each other out since they’re both from Denver, but Brooke was just that ape shit crazy that she gets the prize. From her screaming tirades to her weeping over bowling alley dates, Brooke was a couch therapists dream. Paula from Key West is a close second but since she actually got help on the show, she’s automatically disqualified.

Most Entertaining Cast Member: Got to go with a newbie and pick Isaac from Sydney. His “tell it straight” mantra was so damn refreshing in a house of whiners and fakes. Even when Isaac was fake he did with a nod and smile to the audience as he pulled one over on his horrible housemates.

Most Boring Cast Member: There’s so many to choose from, Corey, Lacey, Beth A. but in the end it goes to Janet from Seattle. She seemed to have a good head on her shoulders and she was uber hot but my god woman you just faded into the coffee and fish scene in your house. Sure Irene and Stephen stole a lot of the attention but Janet seemed like she was on another planet.

Worst Season: Miami and Paris (tie). Boring casts (who knew CT could become so entertaining in the subsequent challenges), ugly houses, horrible jobs, and worst of all wastes of wonderful locations.

Best Season: Ah here’s the rub. Do you watch the Real World for insight on a generation as they grow and interact with each other or do you watch it for the balls out hook ups, break ups, throw downs, and black outs? Me I think I started in the first category loving New York, LA and San Fran but now I’m squarely behind watching these idiots tear themselves and each other apart on national television in stupendous fashion. With that said I’m going to split the difference and go Vegas baby Vegas. While it lacks the sheer craziness of Denver or even Sydney it was the first to venture into that territory while still maintaining some level of social experiment.