Trump Card

Just when you thought the Donald had used “You’re fired,” for the last time NBC announced this week that yes The Apprentice will return to their schedule. I stopped watching after the second season as Trump’s arrogance and the lame corporate shill challenges had become routine and boring so I wondered how in the world are they going to spice up a tired show? Two words: Celebrity Edition. If you’re remotely a fan of reality TV nothing gets you more excited then the words celebrity or all star…at least on paper. The problem is that these “celebrity” editions usually wind up having people like Joey Lawrence, Downtown Julie Brown, or a Baldwin not named Alec as their stars. Still your mind races a bit between the time you hear the announcement and the realization that most likely it will suck. So without further ado here’s my dream list of contestants for The Apprentice: Celebrity Edition.

Steve Jobs- Yeah I know he’s not much a celebrity but wouldn’t you love to see the mind behind the Mac and the iPod tackle some of these challenges.

Jessica Simpson- I’d love to see a slime like Trump go into complete melt down as he simultaneously tries to make Jess his 32nd wife while at the same time he becomes annoyed to the point of strangling her over her complete lack of smarts. Plus Paula Abdul is actually making me long for the days of watching Jess by mean and vapid.

Alec Baldwin- Wouldn’t it be fun to see him enter the competition in his persona from Glengarry Glen Ross. For my money lets kick Trump out of the host chair and but Baldwin in charge. New catchphrase: “First place, one million dollars. Second place a set of steak knives.”

Michael Jordan- The guy was the greatest athletic performer I’ve ever seen but let’s face it, aside from endorsements he’s not a great business man, ask anyone in Washington or now Charlotte about that. Maybe the show would give him some focus other then the blackjack tables.

Jay-Z- Here’s a guy who turns everything he touches into gold. It might be fun to see Hova out Trump, Trump.

Beyonce- It would be fun to see Bonnie and Clyde either team up or face off or both and see which one really wears the pants in that household.

Kelly Clarkson- Miss Independent just got done feuding with her own record label so she might need some good business experience in a hurry.

Rickey Gervais- Ok this one is just because you’ve got to have some laughs (and I just started watching the genius of season 2 of Extras) and I have to believe Gervais would skewer the whole show and cast every week.

Dame Judi Dench- Another contestant from beyond the pond but one that would add class to a show that routinely lacks it, plus it would be priceless to see her put Trump in his place.

Marla Maples- Ok this might actually happen if she’s done with the latest season of The Two Ex-wives and One Baby Mama Club. Clearly the two are not on good terms and again I’m for anything that entertains and makes Trump miserable.

You might be asking yourself, what about the 400lb. Tom Cruise loving elephant in the room? Well honestly, the less Rosie I see the better and while the world might be a better place if Trump and Rosie somehow took each other out by say wrestling right off the roof of Trump Tower, I don’t think I could bare the incessant name calling by two of the worlds biggest egomaniacal windbags that would lead up to that. In the meantime I’m going to enjoy my list before they announce that the entire cast of The Surreal Life 3 are the “celebrity” contestants.