Throwing Down the Gauntlet: Week 1

We’ll see if this sticks but now in addition to my weekly Project Runway columns (latest posted below) I’ll also be giving my thoughts on the Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Gauntlet III. Last night’s premiere was like welcoming your alcoholic uncle for the holidays. At first you’re thrilled to see him and you remember how much fun it can be to watch him tell off your uppity cousins and stumble about. Then the evening goes on and you just get sad for him and disappointed in yourself for actually enjoying his earlier behavior. Last night we were reintroduced to 32 past Real World and Road Rules alumni including a few of the lame ass folks from the aborted re-launch of Road Rules last summer. A lot of our favorites show up including Coral (Real World: Back to New York) who’s been MIA from the challenges for a while apparently becoming doing some useful stuff with her life like becoming a lawyer. There’s my favorite boozed up beauty Katie (Road Rules: The Quest) and old old old Beth (Real World: LA) who at 38 is the only thing on MTV that makes me feel young still. The game is split this year between Rookies and Vets so while Frank comes to us via the ancient history known as Real World: Las Vegas, this is his first or second challenge which puts him on a team full of Austin, Key West and Denver folks.

Ah the Denver folks…after creating one of my favorite seasons ever, we got a small taste of them on the last Challenge when Davis got punked by CT (Real World: Paris) and Collie had much sex followed by much whining. This time around we get Brooke (yes the bat-shit crazy girl we all know and love) and Alex (the metro sexual slut) and they both make an immediate impact. After a brief tug of war challenge where the vets clean the rookies' clocks, the group quickly picked rooms (vets got the nice ones, rooks share one hut with bunk beds due to the tug of war) and then got about to partying and Brooke instantly started the hook up parade. Apparently not only did she get a boob job since Denver but she’s also decided she likes girls, which lone lesbian Evelyn (Challenge: Fresh Meat) quickly finds out when Brooke instantly is all over her in the hot tub. Meanwhile, Alex puts in a performance in the first challenge that reminded me of the great Ace (Real World: Paris) who gave little to no effort on the show. Not only did he look like a deer caught in headlights in the challenge, but he then followed it up by quitting in The Gauntlet versus Nehimiah (Real World: Austin), officially changing the phrase from “________ pulled an Ace in the challenge” to “________ pulled an Alex in the challenge.”

As always the producers have tried to add a twist to the show to keep it fresh and this year’s twist seems destined to make this a train wreck of epic proportions. In season’s past teams have been able to earn money along the way before competing for a large sum in the end. This year MTV is pouring all the prize money ($300,000) into the final event. Seems like a great idea to reward the winners with everything but as Katie and Robin (Real World: San Diego) quickly deduce, this means that throwing missions to eliminate weaker players, i.e. women, no longer has any consequences to their male Veteran teammates. This discussion leads to my favorite line of the night when Katie states “If they fuck me, I will turn around and fuck them 10 times harder.” This issue also leads to my favorite blow up of the night when Coral and CT get into it. Of course CT is drunk and is rude with Coral and his girlfriend Diem (Challenge: Fresh Meat) and declares that he’s just playing the game. Oh CT , I love your ass hole tendencies and your straight talk express out does John McCain’s (Republican: Arizona) any day, but buddy get a hold of yourself. Last time you went home early for beating on a team mate and this time even though you quickly show your physical prowess by winning the first challenge for your team, you immediately flush the good will down the toilet by acting like an idiot. Also when you let your hair down you strongly resemble a fitter, slimmer, Hurley from Lost and I’m not sure that’s a good look for you, Simply put I’ve got the fever for more challenge drama and the only cure is more CT so get crazy but not too crazy that you have to get sent home.

So in the span of one hour I went happy to welcome all these familiar faces back to my TV, to being entertained by their tomfoolery, to being embarrassed at their idiocracy. Should be a good season…